Sunday, February 20, 2011

The Worst Best Pictures

MSN is my Home Page on the Internet, and they regularly feature fragments of trivia and tripe from the popular culture. Today they featured what one of their writers concluded were the worst of the celebrated Best Pictures from Hollywood.

They tarred and feathered Chicago, Shakespeare In Love, A Beautiful Mind... And I totally agree that they were terrible. But the writer also took a swipe at Driving Miss Daisy, The English Patient, Rain Man, and Out of Africa... All of which I've seen more than once, and would enjoy seeing again in the future.

As you know I'm almost never critical... But I've decided to come up with a list of Celebrated Movies that Totally Suck. The movie Chicago won't make the list, because I will only include movies I was able to sit all the way through.

10. A Fish Called Wanda... It's a wonderful thing when a great cast gets together, but if the story isn't worth telling? But that didn't stop the Academy from nominating it for best original screenplay.

9. The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover... Bo-Ring! Helen Mirren couldn't save this waste of film. But the thing actually won some awards.

8. Mullholland Drive... Watching this movie was a painful and disappointing experience because I kept expecting it to turn into something clever. Turns out it had no more continuity, at least in reality, than a dream you might have after eating too much Italian food. David Lynch was Nominated Best Director.

7. Ghandi... "They may torture my body, break my bones, even kill me, then they will have my dead body." I wanted a crack at that after wasting my time watching this movie. It won 8 Academy Awards and stole the the Best Actor Award from Paul Newman in The Verdict. I figure the film won awards because the man Ghandi is one of The Left's favorite Jesus substitutes.

6. The Piano... Nominated for Best Picture... In the two hours I wasted watching this movie, the only thing that captured my imagination was Holly Hunter sitting naked on the bed.

5. Gangs of New York... Nominated for Best Picture. I do not cozy up to films in which I despise every character. By the end of the movie you sort of wished everybody would die so the movie could be over.

4. American Beauty... Won Best Picture. Oh really? As I recall, this picture had latent homosexuality, masturbation, murder, teen nudity, drugs, and pedophilia as its redeeming qualities. No wonder it won.

3. Shakespeare In Love... Won best picture. I thought this movie was a complete bore, and I figure it won because it showed one of Gwyneth Paltrow's nipples. It's sad, because it beat out another, much better movie, the nippleless Saving Private Ryan.

2. Pulp Fiction... Nominated for Best Picture. Again, a movie full of unlikable characters that you wish would just go away. A pitiful, disjointed plot.

1. Midnight Cowboy... Won Best Picture 1969. With the rise of television, in the 50's and 60's the movies didn't really know what to do with themselves. Midnight Cowboy represents that era perfectly. I watched the movie, and I just didn't care.

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Friday, February 18, 2011

What a Difference a Mob Makes

In Wisconsin Democrat Legislators are somewhere in hiding as AWOL teachers occupy the state house. The Democrat National Committee is helping organize the show and is shipping in AFL-CIO strong-arm guys and other union thugs to support them... All in an effort to overturn the election of 2010 and thwart the will of Wisconsin voters.

Rather than accept Wisconsin's budget realities and accept a benefits package like those in the real world... Like yours and mine... The teachers and their union would prefer that Wisconsin would raise taxes on people like you and me, so that teacher pay and benefits can remain better than yours and mine.

I just feel bad for the children... Home from school... Think of all the liberal indoctrination that they're missing out on.

Funny... The Tea Party groups never shut down a single school... They never occupied a state house... They met peacefully... No rent-a-mobs were employed... And yet they were characterized as dangerous, hateful, and racist. Obviously they just weren't doing it right... Maybe they need "thug lessons" from the Democrat Party.

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Serena Branson Appears to Suffer Mini-Stroke on Camera




This is hard to watch because I've seen my mother do this several times. In Mom's case, it is generally a kind of seizure that effects her speech for a period of time. But Ms Branson may have had a stroke, or TIA... Sometimes referred to as a mini-stroke. She has since said that her face and arm were feeling numb at the time of the event.

The sad thing is this... I looked on YouTube for the video, and most of the posts were video-taped from a television set and was accompanied by young people laughing. I suppose if you're young and ignorant, this is funny.

I understand that Ms Branson's mother persuaded her to see a neurologist and hopefully the cause has been diagnosed and treated.

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Thursday, February 17, 2011

The Anticipatory Mood

Today the temperature in north-central Indiana crept above the 60 degree mark, which though not terribly unusual for this time of year... After the winter we've had - it feels like a freaking miracle. The despised and hated snow is going away.

Everyone is in a better mood, too... They are anticipating spring.

Soon there will be days in the high 60's and 70's... There will be sunshine and hammocks and Kindles... There will be girls in revealing outfits... There will be gardening... The scent of new-mown grass... the aroma of grilling meat... Longer days...

But today it's just an anticipatory mood...

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CBS Reporter Lara Logan Suffers Beating, and Sustained Sexual Assault

First of all, the New York Post is quoting an unnamed source that the attack was not a rape. As soon as I read that I felt a little less nauseous. Hope it's true. The attack in downtown Cairo lasted 20-30 minutes, and was stopped by a group of women and the Egyptian Army.

I'm not sure how it happened, but I can certainly figure out why it happened...


This very beautiful woman had no business reporting inside a mob of men who think she is trash and fair game because they are Muslim and she is an infidel.

Long ago a very pretty woman, a Christian friend of mine told me that she wanted to do prison ministry. I begged her not to, questioning her safety... And I told her that when the inmates were with her, they wouldn't be thinking about Jesus.

I feel bad for Lara Logan and her family. But I can't help wondering, "What was she thinking?" What was CBS thinking?

It's not right. Pretty girls should be safe. But you have to consider reality once in a while... and use a little common sense.

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Saturday, February 12, 2011

Father TV

I believe it could be reasonably argued that when Satan captured Hollywood, much of the American Church was appropriated at the same time. Ozzie and Harriet... meet Will and Grace.

But that's not what I'm concerned about right now. Right now I'm concerned about America's regional accents.

We used to be a country of regions, with rich and varied accents and dialects. Television has changed much of that. Children are not raised by families and communities any more... They are raised by networks. Networks all sound the same, and children will naturally speak like the controlling authorities that raise them.

Some day in the not-so-distant future, no one will sound like a slack-jawed inbred from Stinking Creek, Tennessee. How poorer for it we will all be.

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Thursday, February 10, 2011

It's About the White Woman

Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Texas) took to the House floor Tuesday night to criticize what she called a "demeaning" Pepsi ad that aired during the Super Bowl.

"In this month of African-American history where we're trying to celebrate what is good and great, it certainly seems ridiculous that Pepsi would utilize this kind of humor," she said. "It was not humorous. It was demeaning — an African-American woman throwing something at an African-American male and winding up hitting a Caucasian woman."




Let us cut through the crap for a moment and admit that if the cute jogger had been an African American woman... There would be no problem.

I would wager my retirement fund that when this commercial aired in homes across America, many black women cheered when the white girl got creamed... And phrases were uttered like, "Teach her to flirt with our men!"

So I agree with Rep Sheila Jackson Lee that the commercial was unfortunate... Because many black women are angry that for some black men, a white woman is a status symbol, a prize... the preferred companion... this sexualized culture's predominant symbol of beauty.

I believe the commercial was funny, but insensitive... And there would be no issue if the jogger hadn't been a cute little blond.

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Saturday, February 05, 2011

The Winter from Hell

As you know, I've never been one to complain. I am the embodiment of optimism, the personification of buoyancy, and the very incarnation of good cheer. I laugh at hardship, I snicker at adversity...

But after the snow and the ice that we so recently endured, today we suffered another 5 or 6 inches of snow as Mother Nature lifted her skirt, dropped her panties, and took a huge dump on central Indiana. That bitch!

But spring will come... And my fancy will lightly turn to thoughts of love... And serious gardening. I will mow... I will till and sow... I will flirt with the comely widow across the street... Who has thus far only shown interest in my tomatoes. I will flourish... I will thrive... Unless current atmospheric burdens cause me to go postal and expunge all life from my neighborhood...

Ah... The sweet uncertainty....

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Thursday, February 03, 2011

Dodging the Bullet

The Great Tuesday Night Storm created no power outages in our part of Indiana. All evening long the Doppler radar showed us to be right along the line separating rain from snow. I learned that this area evidently delivers only tons of dry sleet. So... our power lines, our trees were not coated with freezing rain, and remained intact.

Answered prayer.

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Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Forecast: Ice and Misery

There is a very good chance I will have no electricity in the morning. No phone, no lights, no motorcar, not a single luxury...Like Robinson Carusoe, Primitive as can be.

I do not fear the cold. I do not fear a lack of bathing and hot food. I have three toilets so it will take a few days to fill them... It's a little disgusting, but no fear is involved.

I fear the boredom. No Internet. No computer games. No TV. Just crappy radio until my batteries give out.

And, my blind 89 year-old father is not cooperating. I wanted to get his kerosene heater ready to go... Just in case... He said no. I went to town and purchased batteries for his radio... As I was installing them he went out onto the ice to get his mail... with no hat on. Geez.

So this may be good-bye. I may go outside in the freezing rain and slowly become frozen and immobile... Just like the Tin Man. Oh crap.

Remember me fondly. I was a good man... A Godly man. I was a man of peace and good will... If not crossed.

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Saturday, January 29, 2011

Sensitive Chinese Blast Radio Personality

SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) - Rush Limbaugh's imitation of the Chinese language during a recent speech made by Chinese President Hu Jintao has stirred a backlash among Asian-American lawmakers in California and nationally.

California state Sen. Leland Yee, a Democrat from San Francisco, is leading a fight in demanding an apology from the radio talk show host for what he and others view as racist and derogatory remarks against the Chinese people.


What is happening to my world? Now even the Chinks are getting sensitive and militant! I mean, I expect it from Blacks, Arabs, and Hispanics... But why are the Chinese getting in on the act?

Nationally they've been allowed to wreck the curve in every math class... Did we complain? They get their own movies... The Flower Drum Song, Crouching Dragon, Hidden something-or-other... Even their own chick-flick, The Joy Luck Club, which I have personally seen 4 times because the women are hot! They dominate the dry-cleaning industry. They get their own New Year and parade... They get their own restaurants... gardens... eating utensils... alphabet...

And we can't make fun of their silly, incomprehensible language?

When white guys whine we're told to suck it up, get over it, and quit being a baby. Sucks being white!

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Friday, January 28, 2011

My Birthday Present

Every year I buy myself a present, and this year I bought a ladder bookshelf. Since I don't have an overhead light in my computer room, I needed something tall on which to put my lamp, which is connected to the wall switch.

You might also notice the drawing that my second cousin, Libby, made for me when I was a little boy. It shows a bad black-haired boy hitting a nice blond-haired boy (me), and Jesus giving the bad boy a black mark. This taught me that when kids beat me up, they would get theirs from Jesus.

On the second shelf you can see my great-grandfather's pocket watch. There is also a picture of my girlfriend from college, who ripped my heart from my chest and stomped on it... For which she no doubt got a black mark from Jesus.
On the wall there is also a tasteful wooden clock made in the shape of Indiana.

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Thursday, January 27, 2011

Winter of my Discontent
Richard The Third and I have so much in common... The way we talk... The humps on our backs... Our ladies-in-waiting...

I'm sure there is an Indiana record for days in which the ground is snow-covered and the temperature remains below freezing... And surely the record is in jeopardy.

I took this picture out my bedroom window back in December. The scene has not changed.

My kingdom for a warm day.

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Sunday, January 23, 2011

Hu's on First?

Guess Hu's Coming to Dinner?

But underneath all of the diplomacy, there's an irony to this visit. President Obama, who won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2009, is welcoming a Chinese leader who jailed his country's Nobel Prize winner, Liu Xiaobo.

Hu am I to question Obama's decision to award a dictator with a State Dinner? Hu knows? Hu does a patriot ask? Hu does a freedom-loving American question when his leader honors evil?

Hu knows?

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Saturday, January 15, 2011

Malott Writes from His Deathbed

Actually I'm not really in my deathbed right now... I'm sitting at my computer. But I reasoned that "Malott Writes from His Computer Chair" would get me nothing... no sympathy, no attention... nothing.

For those of you that are paralyzed with worry over my health, my fever was only 100.6 degrees this morning, which is a definite improvement.

So there it is.

Well I'm going back to my deathbed now, where I will be clinging to life. I expect to remain there indefinitely... or until I get hungry or have to pee or something.

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Malott's Blog Asks!

Today's Subject... Sarah Palin

Malott's Blog Asks: Could the Lunatic Left possibly hate Sarah Palin any more than they do?

Our Answer: Yes. If Palin was black, they would definitely hate her more. When an African American becomes a conservative, in the minds of the Lunatic Left they become a kind of run-away slave, no longer the property of the Left... And the former property is subject to lynching. (Justice Clarence Thomas could tell us something about that.) So as both a female and a black, Palin would be a double turncoat and hated even more.

Malott's Blog Asks: Does the Lunatic Left hate anyone more than they hate Sarah Palin.

Our Answer: No one we can think of...
Radical Islam? No... The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
Murderers and rapists? No... They are a product of environment and the NRA.
Satan? No... The Lunatic Left loves its spiritual advisor.

Malott's Blog Asks: Can Sarah Palin reverse her polling negatives among independent voters and become a viable candidate... a winner?

Our Answer: Not likely... That would be a monumental task considering both her unfair treatment and her past mediocre performance. However...
1) If she can retire her whiny, annoying public speaking voice... Something she accomplished in her 8 minute Gabby Giffords shooting response video... I was impressed...
2) If she can appear knowledgeable, reasoned, and competent... (Like she did in that video.) and if she can find a way to exude a gravitas equal to or greater than the competition...
3) If in the nominating process, at the end of the day, Palin can prove herself to be formidable, and not just the sentimental favorite of conservatives...

Like I said... It's not likely... But Malott's Blog has been wrong once or twice before...

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Thursday, January 13, 2011

Malott Has 101.8 degree Fever

And still he works!

Yes I'm writing from my place of employment, almost delusional with fever, but busy saving lives... just the same. (What a guy!)

The problem with working in a small lab is that you're expected to show up for work... And it is always a huge inconvenience to your peers when you call in sick. So here I am... High fever... Painful cough... Chills... Body Ache... And I'd mention this paper cut, but that might sound like whining.

So think of me, my friends... As you sit there comfortably at your computers... Enjoying perfect health.

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Monday, January 10, 2011

Quote of the Week

"The Left is correct, you know... If the People would just shut up, stay home, and let the Federal Government do whatever it wants, there would be no trouble."
-- Malott

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Sunday, January 09, 2011

Headless Men Found in Topless Bar

ACAPULCO, Mexico (AP) - Police found the bodies of 15 slain men, 14 of them headless, on a street outside a shopping center in the Pacific coast resort of Acapulco on Saturday.

I've just crossed one country off my list of future vacation destinations. Why would anyone go to Mexico?

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And Talk Radio, Too

The killing of U.S. District Judge John M. Roll comes two years after he received death threats while he presided over a $32 million civil-rights lawsuit filed by illegal immigrants against an Arizona rancher.

When Roll ruled the case could go forward, U.S. Marshal David Gonzales said in 2009 that talk-radio shows cranked up the controversy and spurred audiences into making threats.


The Tea Party and Talk Radio... The Left is correct, you know... If the People would just shut up, stay home, and let the Federal Government do whatever it wants, there would be no trouble.

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Saturday, January 08, 2011

Shooting in Arizona

Evidently a George Bush nominated Federal Judge, John Roll was killed.

On Fox News, Arizona Democrat State Senator Linda Lopez quickly spoke of lies by the Tea Party Movement targeted at her friend, wounded Democrat Congresswoman Gabby Giffords.

The shooter has been characterized as a disturbed individual concerned that the American dollar is no longer backed by gold.

I see it this way: We live in a politically contentious country... And when one side screams concerns about threatened loss of liberties and overwhelming debt, and another side screams racism against honest Americans who disagree with the President... Nuts may abound... And they may do damage.

It will be interesting to watch how the actions of one sick human animal will be used by political pundits to indict political parties and movements...

I anticipate the worst.

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Wednesday, January 05, 2011

Big Ten Football to Play Division II

A few years ago the nation's sportswriters, geniuses all, decided that Ohio State and Michigan were the two best darn college football teams in the country. And when OSU and Michigan played a close game in their annual Big Ten match up, the sportswriters wrung their hands and hoped the two might meet again in a bowl game for all the marbles. After all, they were still the two best darn college football teams in the country... Because... the sportswriters, geniuses all, said so.

But the rematch wasn't meant to be, and Ohio State and Michigan went to separate bowl games where they both... lost.

This bowl season the Big Ten showed up in force on New Year's Day, losing 5 out of 5 games by a point total of 204 to 102... Including Big Ten Champion Wisconsin losing to Texas Christian... ... ... Yes, Texas Christian. No, really!

While, last night, Ohio State squeaked out a victory over an SEC "also ran," you still have to wonder why bowl season started with 3 Big Ten teams ranked in the Top Ten.

There exists a perennial assumption among sportswriters, geniuses all, that the Big Ten is a top tier football conference... But until those expectations are justified by bowl victories, the Big Ten has no place in The Top Ten.

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Monday, January 03, 2011

My Favorite Dead Actresses

12. Dorothy McGuire... Friendly Persuasion, Old Yeller, The Enchanted Cottage, Gentleman's Agreement

11. Audrey Hepburn... Roman Holiday, My Fair Lady

10. Maureen O'Sullivan... Hey! The real Jane needs to be on the list.

9. Jean Peters... Her looks made Niagara worth watching, not Monroe's.

8. Katharine Hepburn... Maybe the best actress of all... My #8

7. Claudette Colbert... My favorite Cleopatra... Terrific in It Happened One Night.

6. Olivia de Havilland/Joan Fontaine... My favorite movie sisters: The Snake Pit/Rebecca... Gone with the Wind/Jane Eyre... The Adventures of Robin Hood/Suspicion...

Note: Technically speaking, Olivia and Joan aren't actually dead... But I really like them and wanted them on my list... So I'm pretending.

5. Bette Davis... So versatile... All About Eve, and the ugly duckling in Now, Voyager... And then she came back to scare us in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane.

4. Myrna Loy... The best years of our Lives, The Thin Man series. A beauty.

3. Miss Barbara Stanwyck... Meet John Doe, Ball of Fire, Double Indemnity... Never thought she was pretty, but loved her performances.

2. Grace Kelly... My favorite Hitchcock Girl. Her performance in Rear Window would be enough to get her on my list.

1. Jean Arthur... Mr Smith Goes to Washington, Mr Deeds Goes to Town, You Can't Take it With You... for crying out loud, she played the beautiful farmer's wife in Shane at the age of 52. Loved the voice! My numero uno favorite.



Not dead enough to make the list: Doris Day

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Saturday, January 01, 2011

My Favorite Dead Actors

Leading Men

12. Claude Rains... Casablanca, Phantom of the Opera, Notorious

11. Errol Flynn... Robin Hood, Essex and Elizabeth, The Prince and the Pauper

10. Clifton Webb... Sitting Pretty, Laura

9. Clark Gable... Teacher's Pet, Gone with the Wind

8. John Wayne... The Quiet Man, Angel and the Bad Man

7. Gary Cooper... Friendly Persuasion, Sergeant York, Love in the Afternoon, The Westerner

6. Gregory Peck... To Kill a Mockingbird, The Big Country, Gentleman's Agreement

5. Cary Grant... Arsenic and Old Lace, The Philadelphia Story, Bringing Up Baby

4. Lionel Barrymore... It's a Wonderful Life, You Can't Take it with You, Key Largo

3. Paul Newman... The Verdict, The Long Hot Summer, The Sting, Butch Cassidy...

2 Jimmy Stewart... It's a Wonderful Life, Anatomy of a Murder, Rear Window

1. Humphrey Bogart... Casablanca, The Caine Mutiny, To Have and Have Not, The Big Sleep

Honorable Mention: Spencer Tracy, William Holden, Alec Guiness, William Powell, Laurence Olivier, Frederick March, Charlton Heston, Lezlie Howard, Joseph Cotton, Anthony Quinn, Curly Howard

Left out on purpose: Henry Fonda... Nice movies, but he sired Jane.

Best Supporting/Character Actors

10. Tony Randall... Pillow Talk

9. Trevor Howard... Mutiny on the Bounty

8. Jack Palance... Shane, City Slickers

7. Walter Pidgeon... How Green Was My Valley, Advise and Consent

6. Robert Shaw... Jaws, The Battle of the Bulge

5. Sydney Greenstreet... The Maltese Falcon, Casablanca

4. Harry Carey... The Shepard of the Hills, Angel and the Bad Man

3. Victor McLaglen... The Quiet Man, She Wore a Yellow Ribbon

2 C. Aubrey Smith... Little Lord Fauntleroy, Rebecca, Wee Willie Winkie

1. Ward Bond... The Quiet Man, Fort Appache, She Wore a Yellow Ribbon

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Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The Weekly Chan

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Quote for the Day

"If I could work my will, every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' upon his lips should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart!"
--Malott... working a 12-hour shift December 25th, 2010

Oh.... OK.... Merry Christmas

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Friday, December 24, 2010

Lisa Murkowski Goes Rogue

Alaskan Senator Lisa Murkowski, shown here without make-up, is being called "The New Maverick" by Politico.

Murkowski is already showing a fierce independent streak, becoming the only Republican to cast votes on all four items on President Barack Obama’s wish list: a repeal of “don’t ask, don’t tell,” a tax-cut compromise, the START deal and cloture for the DREAM Act.

As we have learned, Maverick is a term used by the Left to describe Rinos (Republicans in name only), who vote with Democrats, stab voters in the back, and will one day burn in Hell.
Murkowski recently was re-elected to the Senate as a write-in candidate due to the fact that Alaskans are fiercely independent and stupid.

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Monday, December 20, 2010

Coldest December Since Record-Keeping Began

Swathes of Britain skidded to a halt today as the big freeze returned - grounding flights, closing rail links and leaving traffic at a standstill.

The Arctic conditions are set to last through the Christmas and New Year bank holidays and beyond and as temperatures plummeted to -10c (14f) the Met Office said this December was ‘almost certain’ to become the coldest since records began in 1910.

Has anyone seen Al Gore lately? Is he somewhere getting a massage? He's made his billion... Is he leaving the noble and unselfish world of public service now?

Except for gullible college students and the Left, people are no longer buying the global warming lie... So I'm left wondering what environmentalists have planned for us next... You know they're planning...

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Sunday, December 19, 2010

The Bri-gay-de

So the "Don't Ass, Don't Tell" policy has given way to the possibility that gays may soon openly serve in the U.S. Military.

Throughout our nation's history gays have enlisted in the Military - it's where the boys are - and many have served heroically and with distinction. I guess for detractors it's a question of whether open gayness will have a deleterious effect upon morale.

I was thinking that maybe gay military guys could sign up for their own specialized gay units... Wouldn't they prefer that anyway? Why not let them design their own uniforms and accessorize as they see fit? Who knows, maybe gay units might specialize in attacking from the rear. And you know their food would be great... And they would have the cleanest barracks in the history of warfare.

I'm just afraid the fruits of this new policy may be cultural engineering and the politicizing of the military... Which is not what the military is for. It will be interesting to see if any gay recruits use the policy to test the limits of military discipline, and then lawyer-up when things don't go well. Will there be charges that gays are not promoted fairly?

I hope all that doesn't happen. I'm very pro-soldier, and I'm sure the vast majority of "guy soldiers who prefer guys" want to serve their country with honor, and would never want their personal lives to compromise the effectiveness and morale of their units. Don't Ass, Don't Tell seemed like an effective way to facilitate that. I fear that overturning it only facilitates axe grinding.

It's ask?

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Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Santa Claus Found Dead

North Pole (AP) --According to sources close to the Claus family, Santa Nicholas Claus was found dead Thursday morning of what appeared to be a massive heart attack. An autopsy is scheduled for Friday afternoon in Fairbanks, Alaska.

While the death was unexpected, rumors of binge drinking and heavy pipe smoking had filtered out of the closely knit North Pole community for the better part of 2010. "We all could see his weight was up significantly and that he was growing despondent," said publicist Digger, the elf. "He hasn't been the same since the reindeer died of lungworm disease in the fall of 2009. And then last spring when Mrs. Claus ran off with Patch, the lead elf, Santa sort of kept to himself. It's just been a very sad year for the entire crew."

Due to the proximity of the Christmas Holiday, the United States Federal Government has pledged to deliver Santa's gifts to girls and boys across America. Parents can expect the gifts to arrive via the U.S. Postal Service some time in late June.

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Monday, December 13, 2010

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Remaking True Grit

Now, you know... I've never been one to be critical. And casting Jeff Bridges as John Wayne and Matt Damon as Glen Campbell... They could have done worse. And I realize that the remakes of films such as The Buccaneer and My Favorite Wife were worth the effort. And goodness knows, the western genre is lately missing in theaters...

But there are classics that you just don't mess with. And when a beloved actor's lifetime of work yields one academy award, you don't turn around and give the part to someone else to improve upon.

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Sunday, December 05, 2010

Thursday, December 02, 2010

The Weekly Chan

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Happy Motoring

Monday, November 22, 2010

The Weekly Chan

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Quote for the Day

"The terrorists have won. The government of the United States cannot get confessed jihadist murderer Achmed Geylani convicted on any of the 224 murders he was charged with because they decided to shower young Achmed with all the protections of the civilian justice system... but the very same government of the United States has decreed that your private parts, and those of your children and your grandmother... and all 300 sets of American genitalia are up for grabs without any probable cause."
--Mark Steyn

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Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Body Cavity Searches

AP WASHINGTON--Under new stringent TSA regulations, body cavity searches will soon be employed at airports across the country to supplement full body scans and pat downs.

To lend support, head of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano volunteered to act as the subject in the training of countless TSA technicians in this new procedure. When asked how she fared in this role, she said, "It really wasn't that bad after the first couple hundred times. I just laid back and enjoyed it."

What have we come to?

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The Weekly Chan



My interpretation: Being a member of organized religion in America is relatively easy, depending upon your social proclivities. Finding the Bride of Christ is a little harder.

I disagree with Chan... He sees the Christian life in very heroic terms... I'm just trying to maintain a relationship and become less of a spiritual coward.

We believers in America are rich. We love the Lord, but we also love the world. We try to find time to pray, but we never miss a Colts game, or our favorite trash-TV drama. We love the world... because when you're rich, the world is good!

And that's why it's easier for a camel to... Well, you know the quote.

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Sunday, November 07, 2010

Trent Lott and The Stockholm Syndrome

Former Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott put it plainly: “We did not nominate our strongest candidates.”

Had Republicans run Castle in Delaware and establishment favorites Sue Lowden in Nevada and Jane Norton in Colorado, Lott said, Tuesday would have turned out different.

“With those three we would have won and been sitting at 50 [senators],” he observed.

Trent Lott's career was destroyed by the liberals in Congress and the media... And Trent is still trying to kiss and make up, saying anything to gain their approval. OK... Not exactly the Stockholm Syndrome, but the symmetry is there.

I'm really disappointed in some of the "Establishment Republicans." Mitch Daniels told The Hill, "Republicans fell short of winning control of the Senate because of some weak candidates. We didn't turn up the strongest candidates."

Tea Party Envy.

I'd like to explain something to Karl Rove, Mitch Daniels, Trent Lott, Lindsay Graham, and the rest of the Republican Castrati... If it wasn't for The Tea Party and their so-called weak candidates, the Dems would still be in control of both houses of Congress.

I think the Tea Party needs to replace Lindsay Graham, restrict Mitch Daniels to Indy indefinitely, and send Karl and Trent on a protracted vacation... Some place where they won't be able to find a camera or microphone.

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Quote for the Day

"Most Christian parents don't want godly children... They want good children."
--Irwin Lutzer

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Saturday, November 06, 2010


MSNBC's Ethics

(CNN) - Keith Olbermann, MSNBC's primetime firebrand host, has been suspended indefinitely for violating the ethics policies of his employer earlier this year when he donated to three Democrats seeking federal office, MSNBC announced Friday.

I'm sorry, but if MSNBC had ethics, they wouldn't have a show that was hosted by Keith Olbermann. Their election coverage would be hosted by news reporters... Not leftwing pundits.

I always figured that MSNBC's ethical restrictions only kicked-in at about the same level of nefariousness as armed robbery and murder.

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Friday, November 05, 2010

Harry and Nancy and Bamar (oh my!)

The tea party is alive and well for another two years. The usual suspects are sticking around to inspire us to further glory and new heights. Yes, even after the kick in the teeth they endured on election day, they are as clueless as ever, and ready to entertain.

So in two years when another third of the Senate (including both Dems and RINOs) and the White House are up for grabs... The same three-headed serpent that insured our successes last Tuesday, will be representing the minions of Hell once more.

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Wednesday, November 03, 2010

We The Courts...

Three Iowa Supreme Court justices lost their seats Tuesday in a historic upset fueled by their 2009 decision that allowed same-sex couples to marry.

"It appears we're headed for a resounding victory tonight and a historic moment in the state of Iowa," said Bob Vander Plaats, the Sioux City businessman who led a campaign to remove the justices because of the 2009 gay marriage ruling. "The people of Iowa stood up in record numbers and sent a message ... that it is 'We the people,' not 'We the courts.' "


This is how life should always be.

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Election Snippets

1) Nevada: The bad news... America is saddled with Harry Reid. The good news... The Dems and Obama are saddled with Harry Reid.

2) California: This state rejected legal marijuana, and yet voted as if everyone was stoned. The state is heading toward the abyss and the majority is heavily in denial.

3a) Florida: Charlie Crist makes my skin crawl. There is no bigger weasel in American politics... Good riddance.

3b) Florida: The biggest story from last night may prove to be that Marco Rubio stepped onto the national stage.

4) Sarah Palin moves the American voter.

5) Illinois: The Obama seat goes GOP.

6) Wisconsin, Michigan, Pennsylvania... The blue fades...

7) Indiana gets back its dignity.

8) The bad news... Dems keep the senate. The good news... Obama can't blame Congress and the tea party will remain viable.

9) Governors and State Legislatures: Last night the road got a little easier for future Republican hopefuls.

10: South Dakota: Kristi Noem is a Republican Hottie!

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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The Weekly Chan

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Quote of the Day

“Faithful Christians better be ready to become unpopular… Christians will find themselves demonized as intolerant, which is our cultures worst term of abuse…. Christians have endured martyrdom but can they endure unpopularity?”
--Gene Edward Vieth

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Saturday, October 09, 2010


Mixed Feelings about California

I've been watching the Meg and Jerry show for some time now, and though I know Meg is more of a fiscal conservative - she would just about have to be - and would be better for California, I think it may be time to let the asylum run its course and fall to pieces as an example to the rest of the country. At present the most Meg Whitman can do is slow the bleeding... But the patient will remain terminal and in denial. Let's face it... The majority of Californians are absolute idiots, and they deserve the mire into which they've fallen. Jerry Brown, who represents more of the same in California, is even in the polls... Case closed.

I sort of feel the same way about the coming congressional elections. If the Republicans gain control of one or both houses, they will be able to do just enough to slightly improve the economy... and Obama will be re-elected. And, the senate will be composed of the same RINO's that want to get along... The Republicans will share the economy with the President and the Tea Party may lose the Independents... And probaby stall.

I believe modest gains would be the best thing for the cause of conservatism and smaller government... and facilitate the removal of more RINO's and President O in 2012.

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Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Thursday, September 23, 2010

A Montage

TED BRASSFIELD: (Monday) I was really inspired by you and by your campaign and the message that you brought. And that inspiration is dying away. I really want to know, is the American dream dead for me?

OBAMA: (June 3, 2008, St. Paul, MN) This was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal! (cheers)

VELMA HART: (Monday) I'm one of your middle class Americans. And quite frankly, I'm exhausted. Exhausted of defending you, defending your administration, defending the mantle of change that I voted for. I've been told that I voted for a man who said he was going to change things in a meaningful way for the middle class. I'm one of those people. And I'm waiting, sir. I'm waiting. I don't feel it yet.

OBAMA: (Feb. 5, 2008, Chicago, IL) Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.

WALT ROWAN: (Monday) You're losing the war of sound bites. You're losing the media cycles.

OBAMA LEADING FOLLOWERS: (Feb. 5, 2008, Chicago, IL) Yes, we can! Yes, we can!

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Disillusionment

"I am a chief financial officer for a veteran's service organization here in Washington. I'm also a mother, a wife, an American veteran, and I'm one of your middle class Americans. And quite frankly, I'm exhausted. Exhausted of defending you, defending your administration, defending the mantle of change that I voted for. I've been told that I voted for a man who said he was going to change things in a meaningful way for the middle class. I'm one of those people. And I'm waiting, sir. I'm waiting. I don't feel it yet. And I thought while it wouldn't be in great measure, I thought I would feel it in some small measure. I have two children in private school and the financial recession has taken an enormous toll on my family. My husband and I have joked for years that we were well beyond the hot dog and beans era of our lives and quite frankly it has started to knock on our door and ring true that it might be where we're headed again. And quite frankly Mr President I need you to answer this honestly - Is this my new reality?"
-- Velma Hart

Here is a smart, educated woman with a good job and a pension, and she has been told all her life that if the right people were in control in Washington, then we would all prosper because the money would be spread around equally.

But her savior, his political party, and their union supporters have made the cost of hiring and doing business to increase to the point that we are all becoming poorer, as unemployment rises and our indebtedness skyrockets.

I doubt that Mrs Hart has learned anything. There will always be someone to blame other than the socialism that Mr Obama has so expertly ushered in.

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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Rush Limbaugh's "Top Ten Republican Moderate Moments"

#10 Newt Gingrich doing a Public Service Announcement on global warming with Nancy Pelosi in 2008.

#9 Bush-Quayle '92.

#8 Dole-Kemp '96.

#7 Ford-Dole '76.

#6 Jumpin' Jim Jeffords jumps from the Republican Party.

#5 Arlen Specter switches parties.

#4 Richard Nixon resigns in disgrace.

#3 Dede Scozzafava endorses the Democrat, Owens, in New York 23.

#2 The McCain campaign of 2008.

#1 Colin Powell endorses Barack Obama, the Democrat, for president in 2008.

I love lists! And this is a great one!

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Tuesday, September 21, 2010

We'll Always Have Paris...
And Probably Lindsay, Too

Recently I watched The Parent Trap for about the 25th time (Yes, I know... Probably "Low T.") and again I was left wondering how such a cute and talented little girl could grow into such a train wreck.

A guy I used to work with told me he'd seen a video of Paris Hilton demonstrating that she is also talented... but not in a way that would get her a job teaching Sunday School.

Across this country there are countless young, female role models that demonstrate talent, hard work, and character - every day. It's a sad and stinging indictment that our culture celebrates and gives face-time to the reprobates.

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Monday, September 20, 2010

Quote for the Day

"Persecution wiped out theological liberalism in China."
-- Bishop Deing of China

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Sunday, September 19, 2010

Karl and the Country Club Republicans

So it's Sunday and I'm still digesting the fact that on Tuesday and Wednesday nights I heard Karl Rove rip the winner of the Delaware Senate Republican Primary, Christine O'Donnell. With his comments, Rove did more for O'Donnell's Democrat opponent than he could do for himself.

I suspect that Karl thinks of himself as being very, very important. He and other blue-blood Republicans seem to have a certain disdain for any fellow Party member who wouldn't fit in at a Washington cocktail party. I guess those Republicans - unsophisticated and unwashed - are supposed to sit down, be quiet, and marvel at Rove's, Bill O'Reilly's, and Charles Krauthammer's cummulative genius.

I see it this way... I'd rather see the Senate controlled by Democrats than a Republican Majority consisting of Liberals with an R beside their name. It's the so-called moderate, Country Club Republicans that make the public believe there is no difference between the two Parties.

So maybe Karl and his buds should get behind the Tea Party candidates... or sit down and shut up.


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Saturday, September 18, 2010

The Ego of an Elitist

The problem with a career politician is that their career is not service to country, but rather... A career. They come to measure success wholly in terms of winning elections. Their values are for sale... Their beliefs are driven this way and that by polls.

These political whores are easy to spot this year... Especially among the establishment Republicans. In Florida, Charlie Crist's soul is for sale to the highest bidder, to anyone or any idea that might help him get elected. In Alaska, Lisa Murkowski is not governed by party loyalty or values... or even primary results. She is now a write-in candidate, because in her mind the election is all about... Lisa Murkowski.

Even John McCain was born-again a conservative this year... once he found himself in a primary fight with a candidate who actually was... A conservative... I mean, all the time!

It continues to be an interesting year. Republican elitists like O'Reilly, Crist, Rove, Murkowski, McCain, Krauthammer, and Castle are twisting and squirming over the electorate's total disregard for their sage counsel. This year is different. Politics as usual is unacceptable... Whether it's coming from the Democrats... or the Republicans.

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Wednesday, September 15, 2010

A More Civil Civil War

Is it my wishful thinking, or is there a growing number of people in our country who are looking to be free of Washington DC and the big-government, big-spending, big-brother mentality that is so pervasive in its machinations? Is there among us a growing plurality wondering if anything is being accomplished in that crime-infested little plot of acreage that actually improves the lives of those living outside the beltway... The very individuals who create the wealth that keeps the D.C. Aristocracy funded? Or is Washington just in business to serve... Washington?

I'm not sure how widespread the Tea Party Movement has become, but you have to smile when you see ordinary citizens gathering to be educated on The United States Constitution... and on how Washington and its Judiciary are shredding it. It's makes me practically euphoric to see conservative, hard-working people get fed up and fired up enough to gather in a community center or parking lot to practice a little sedition. I'm reminded of Barry Fitgerald's character in The Quiet Man when he says, "Well it's a nice soft night, so I think I'll go and join me comrades and talk a little treason."

Traditionally, in America, the host on which the parasites feed, slumbers through the assault... But lately it has awakened to challenge the sponging of its hard-earned assets and the limiting of its freedoms. It's as if we're witnessing a new Civil War, one with more civility than our last one. The states, communities, and individuals aren't looking to secede this time... They just want their freedom back. They want the Federales to be limited... You know... Like it says in The Constitution.

I think it is all so very delicious!

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Friday, September 10, 2010

The Indigenous Metaphor

I like the sound of this post's title. I have no idea what it means. Sometimes I come up with a title, and the post... simply... writes... itself. This is not one of those times.

So instead, let's take a moment and talk about automatic-flush toilets... Shall we?

Recently while training in a blood bank in Indy, I felt a fullness in my abdomen and knew that I needed to excuse myself. I went to the restroom, sat down, and about ten seconds later I felt much better. Tending next to the paperwork, I leaned to my left, being right-handed, and the toilet flushed. I gathered more TP, leaned to my left again, and toilet flushed. I then spent several minutes experimenting, leaning this way and that, and each time the toilet flushed.

This was no longer about personal hygiene. It was just... personal.

I am a responsible person. If I use the restroom, I can be trusted to flush the toity. If I use it standing, I always clean the rim with toilet paper if anything has dripped there. I'm a polite man. I'm a conscientious man. I don't need some smart alec toilet thinking for me... Assuming I'm irresponsible... Laughing at me behind my back... Probably making remarks...

Automatic flush toilets are a metaphor for our culture's struggle in dealing with the loss of personal responsibility. Such devices are surely indigenous only to this country.

Yes, I know. But it was a great title... And this was the best I could do.

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Monday, September 06, 2010

Character Flaw for September

As a public service, and in an effort to make others feel better about themselves, each month a staffer at Malott's Blog confesses to a character flaw. We hope this helps to build build self-esteem in a world of imperfect people.

Staffer for September: Malott
Malott's Confession:

I Steal Condiments

And here's why: I'm a bachelor and it makes no sense for me to buy a big container of sugar, mustard, ketchup, or parmesian cheese. Those little packets at the restaurant and at work are complimentary... And I have never been so rude as to refuse a free gift.

So when I make French Toast once per year, I get out about ten little packages of maple syrup... When I take a ham sandwich to work, I include a little packet of Kraft Mayo in my lunch bag.

Do I buy taco sauce or Bar-B-Q sauce after visiting Taco Bell and Arby's... And stuffing my pockets with complimentary gifts? Nope!

Oh sure, I could buy relish to put in my potato salad, but why not just tear open 40 or 50 of those little packets?

The entire staff at Malott's Blog hopes this confession has eased your nagging conscience and made you feel better about yourself.

Next Month: Malott instructs readers on the correct way to hide a roll of toilet paper under their shirts.

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Saturday, September 04, 2010

Notre Dame Wins!

A program full of certifiable student athletes, that has a great graduation rate, won today.

I love it!

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Friday, September 03, 2010

Quote for the Day

"Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained."
-- C. S. Lewis

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Racial Profiling in America

Yes, it's sad but true. Without any evidence, and even before the immigration law is put into play, the United States Federal Government is suing the State of Arizona... Racially profiling white law enforcement officials as being dishonest and incapable of fairly applying the law. Why? Because they are white.

As a white man I am racially profiled in the mainstream media every day. Many things are assumed of me, simply based upon the color of my skin. It's assumed that I am guilty of bigotry, hatred... and that I have a selfish disregard for my fellow man.

I can't help the way I look. God made me this way. But I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the meaning of its creed: We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal... So let freedom ring from every village and every hamlet... Let us look forward to that day when all God's children, greasy Italian-Americans, drunken Irish-Americans, stupid Swedish Immigrants, and all us other white guys will join hands and sing... Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!

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Thursday, August 26, 2010

Muslim Update for September

As you may know, the entire staff at Malott's Blog have two major passions in life... A sincere and unapologetic appreciation for all things Obama... And an unbridled affection for unassimilated Muslim-Americans. It's just who we are.

With this in mind, Malott's Blog is in the process of contacting key congressional players in Washington with the following proposal...

In the name of tolerance, and in order to demonstrate our trust and confidence in the Muslim-American communities across America, the Treasury Department should immediately begin enlisting young Muslim males from the mosques in Flint Michigan to form an all-Muslim Secret Service detail to protect President Obama.

It just makes sense.

Yes, it's time for those of us who preach tolerance to place our own butts on the line... And what bigger butt can be placed on that line than President Obama's?

I don't know about you, but those of us at Malott's Blog are ready to build some bridges!

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Monday, August 23, 2010

Backgrounds


I still get an occasional email and picture from my college girlfriend who still refuses to be my Facebook friend. Isn't she lovely? She is three years my younger, but looks about twenty years younger... Which is why she occasionally sends me a picture... Lest I forget. She and her husband are about to become footloose and carefree empty-nesters, as their youngest heads for college. I'm so freaking happy for them.

Anyway, I was wondering how far I would have to drive to have my picture taken with a background like this. There aren't many ocean wharfs in my neighborhood... Corn fields? No problem.

Mountains might be nice.

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Malott Has Gout

And oh! ... How he has suffered.

So I'm not eating meat, I'm drinking cherry juice, I've finished a round of Prednisone... And this thorn in my flesh is still stealing my abilities to lead a life of pleasure and general fulfillment.

I've also given up drinking red wine on spaghetti night... spaghetti night here defined as an evening when I drink red wine (as did our Savior), and at some point I either eat spaghetti or get sleepy and go to bed. Some conservative Christians might argue that gout is the Lord's way of persuading me to give up the concept of spaghetti night. If so, it worked.

So there it is.

Anyway, if my faithful readers have any home cures for gout, I would welcome their sage council. My current plan is prayer and fasting... If I don't eat... and I pray (and cut out every comfort in my already Spartan and joyless existence...) Surely healing is in the offing. Don't you think? Surely!

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Tuesday, August 17, 2010

From Ann Coulter

"Cristobal Silverio came illegally from Oxtotilan, Mexico, in 1997 and brought his wife Felipa, plus three children aged 19, 12 and 8. Felipa ... gave birth to a new daughter, her anchor baby, named Flor. Flor was premature, spent three months in the neonatal incubator, and cost San Joaquin Hospital more than $300,000. Meanwhile, (Felipa's 19-year-old daughter) Lourdes plus her illegal alien husband produced their own anchor baby, Esmeralda. Grandma Felipa created a second anchor baby, Cristian. ... The two Silverio anchor babies generate $1,000 per month in public welfare funding. Flor gets $600 per month for asthma. Healthy Cristian gets $400. Cristobal and Felipa last year earned $18,000 picking fruit. Flor and Cristian were paid $12,000 for being anchor babies."

In the Silverio's munificent new hometown of Stockton, California, 70% of the 2300 babies born in 2003 in San Joaquin General Hospital were anchor babies. As of this month, Stockton is $23 million in the hole.

This problem may take care of itself once the Obama Administration and the Democrat Congress makes us poorer than Mexico.

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Tuesday, August 03, 2010


Death is Not Dying


When you have time to watch something that will touch you... Watch this...


www.deathisnotdying.com/fullvideo/

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

We Must Stop the Black Man and his Liberal Friends from Stealing our Elections

Oh!... And we must not be afraid to vote white! (Whatever that means.)

Below is a video of Charles Sherrod, Sainte Shirley Sherrod's husband, speaking somewhere back in January. It's true that black liberals hate white conservatives, or racists as we say in Greentown, but I think they hate "Uncle Toms" even more... Though I can't be sure. Uncle Toms are blacks who are conservatives, and don't vote Black. (Whatever that means.)

Anyway, the title of this post is an example of racism. The following quote is not:

"We must stop the white man and his Uncle Toms from stealing our elections"
--Charles Sherrod, January 2010

So let the name-calling continue, and Malott's Blog will be here to sort it all out.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Racist... The New Communist?

or... Hating the People Who Disagree with You...

I do not hate people who disagree with me politically. Hating is always ugly, and often involves affixing labels to them like homophobe, xenophobe, communist, radical, racist... etc. The truth is, sometimes people honestly disagree on political and social issues.

When I was younger, people would often call left-leaning individuals a "communist." They would place McGovern, Mao, Humphrey, Stalin, Ho Chi Minh, and politicians like Obama in the same category. Unfair? Absolutely!

But through the years the American citizen heard so many charges of "communist," that eventually the charge became a kind of joke.

I believe that today the charge of racism... calling someone a racist, has taken on a similar frivolous air.

The once influential NAACP has charged the constitution-respecting "tea partiers" with racism because they disagree politically with an African-American president. But there is no evidence of racism in the tea party movement. The Left cries "Wolf" when honest and good people grow weary of left-wing failure, and peacefully protest against the perpetrators.

Bigots and haters of all political stripes wield a critical sword, but eventually time and experience expose them... And the charge of "racist" has fallen into the same silly category as the once dreaded, and once effective, charge of "communist."

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Monday, July 12, 2010

My Backyard

I love my backyard. This thing hangs near the foot of my hammock, and the only thing that disturbs my reading is when two little buddies of mine come to visit it.

I have two of these... I don't know what they are, but I have to mow around them. On the left in the first picture is the green pole of my clothes line, where at least once per year I hang my bedsheets to dry in the wind... makes them smell so good.


Below are some onions I recently harvested. They will dry for a few days and then be stored in my garage.


Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Racism Test


Do you like him better now?

No?

Then you're not a racist!

This picture and question has been making its rounds on the internet... Had to post it!

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Thursday, July 01, 2010

Garden Pictures
My greens are all gone, but my tomatoes, green beans, and corn are doing quite well. I have tomato plants that are waist high, and late tomato plants that are two inches tall.

I know... I need to get down on my knees and pull weeds from around my corn... But weeding is such a lonely business.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Malott Quits Job

The entire staff at Malott's Blog wishes to publicly express its concern that our fearless, and somewhat eccentric leader, has inexplicably resigned his job of thirty-one years to pursue a similar job that is farther from home and will provide less take-home pay. He will be working only three days per week and will be assigned odd hours. The only advantages we can thus far determine is that he will have a much lighter work load and less responsibilities.

To our inquiries Malott only replies, "I can do three days standing on my head." We're not sure what that means.

Malott has assured us that our current pay and staffing will not be affected.

Our major concern is that the tasteful standards and pristine reputation that the Blog has earned through the years might be compromised if Malott's mental capacities and personal habits continue to erode. We have noticed that he bathes less, goes longer between haircuts, and has taken to pacing about his home while whispering, "Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty..." Malott does not own a cat, and has never demonstrated an appreciation for cats.

Thus, our concern.

Oh sure, Malott has always inter-personally danced with two left feet, but his insight and judgement have historically been keen and beyond reproach. We suggested to Mr. Malott that this employment move might be the product of a midlife crisis, but he responded that it was rather a "midwife" crisis. We're not sure what that means, either.

The entire staff at Malott's Blog would like to take this opportunity to assure our faithful readers that our desire is to continue our mission of providing political and cultural insights today, tomorrow, and well into the future.

As for Mr. Malott... We'll watch him. And when the time comes, we'll do our best to fulfill his latest final request to be stuffed and mounted in the corporate lobby.

Thank you.

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Cat Character Moment


I believe this picture and caption have much to teach to us all concerning the miserable character of cats. Cats are not our friends.


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Friday, June 25, 2010


Tar Baby
The more he struggles with the oil spill, the more he gets stuck. Poor Br'er Obama.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Little Yellow Flowers

These little yellow flowers come back up every year without me having to plant seeds. These perennials, as we say in Greentown, are pretty much maintenance free.


This is how they look from my upstairs bedroom window. Not much happens in my bedroom, so it's nice to have something to look at outside.

So if you want to have some outside your bedroom window, too... Go to the nursery and ask for little yellow flowers that come back up every year without having to plant seeds. I'm sure this is what they will give you.
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Saturday, June 19, 2010

My Eye Upon the Sparrow

This afternoon I put my truck in my garage for the night, and somehow three sparrows got trapped in my garage. I opened the door, but they couldn't seem to figure out how to fly out. Every time they tried, they flew high and found themselves trapped above the raised garage door. So I chased them around with a broom until they flew out... I thought all three were out.

About an hour later, I went into my garage to get a can of pork and beans, and I saw the third little guy sitting up in the corner. I said, "You're too stupid to live, so go ahead and die."

I came back inside and tried to forget about him. But I thought about my own life, my own stupidity, and my spiritual failures. I remembered that "He knows when a sparrow falls." And I thought of the old hymn that goes, "His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me."

So, I raised the garage door and started chasing my guest. But no matter what I did, he was just too stupid to fly into the light and be free. I finally had him cornered, and I picked him up in my hands, and carried him outside, and set him free.

I know God was watching.

So I will pray for the same mercy. I will pray for my friends and their sons. I will pray for their marriages and their worldly ways. I will pray that in spite of our stupidity... The Lord will step into the middle of our sin... Pick us up in His hands... And save us all.

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Saturday, June 12, 2010

Lavender

Pronounced "lavender," this good smelling herb was first used as an underarm deodorant in medieval Europe. It's leaves are known to have been rubbed into the armpits of Queen Elizabeth I, until she developed a rash.

I love the way this stuff smells. Some mornings before work, I go out and roll in it. The women at work love it!

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Thursday, June 10, 2010


My Vast Longabooger Collection

Pictured here is my complete collection of Longarbooger products. I bought this for my mom, but she isn't well enough to make pies anymore, so she gave it back to me. I recently made my parents a rhubarb pie from scratch... The ugliest thing you ever saw... But it tasted great! I'm just not good at rolling out the dough and keeping it in one piece as I make the pie.


Have you noticed that the Longuburger Sales Ladies are totally hot? I've always wanted to buy the picnic basket, but I think it costs like 900 dollars... So I've been putting it off.

Yes, Longerberger is a high priority in my sophisticated lifestyle... It's a way of life for me... I'd have it no other way.

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Uh... No... ... ... I think I'll keep my thoughts to myself.

Sunday, June 06, 2010

Favorite Movie Quote for Sunday

"She's Dead! Quick! Someone get a doctor!"
Strangers on a Train, 1951

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Saturday, June 05, 2010


Young Love
The heavenly touch of your embrace tells me no one could take your place...
Young love, first love, we share with deep
emo-o-tion...

Thursday, June 03, 2010

The Gores Kiss-Off Marriage

(Well you knew I'd have to say something.)

First of all I'm moved to say that whenever a marriage fails it is a terrible tragedy that diminishes us all, and blah, blah, blah.

But it's not as if this particular incidence is happening to nice people. This is a man who flipped his deeply held opinion on abortion in order to run for national office. At the '96 Democrat Convention Al attacked Big Tobacco by giving a moving and emotional speech about his sister who died of lung cancer... but to secure votes he told tobacco workers, "I've raised tobacco. I've shredded it, spiked it, and sold it." Gore has been involved in illegal fund raising at a Buddhist Temple and phone calls from his office. Al claimed he invented the internet and that he and Tipper were the inspiration for Erich Segal's Love Story.

I remember when we cheered Tipper for suggesting warning labels should be applied to violent and drug oriented rock albums. But when you consider that she is a big fan of The Grateful Dead - she once played bongos with the remnant band - You have to wonder if her crusade was anything more than a political play.

And of course... The Gores have parlayed their pre-2000 election fortune of one million dollars into approximately 100 million dollars by crusading against global warming on a planet that isn't warming.

So it isn't as if Ruth and Billy Graham had decided to call it quits.

We've been told that there is no "affair" involved... Fine! But might I suggest that rich people who never see each other don't split up just so they can seek a life of celibacy.
...
And although divorce is always a sad thing, let me deliver the silver lining: This split suggests that Al Gore will never run for public office again.
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Saturday, May 29, 2010

Blooming Peas

The only bad thing about blooming peas, is that sooner or later you have to pick them... Which is a miserable job.

I hope you can see the white blooms. I planted a double row which maximizes space and output. The only problem is that sometimes mother rabbits will make a burrow between the rows. Three years ago when my peas were spent I mowed down a double row and killed a couple rabbits. I took no joy in that... Because it wasn't good for my mower.

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Thursday, May 27, 2010

Why My Life is Better Than Yours
Reason #6

Today I've been picking, washing, and blanching spinach and kale. Soon these freezer bags will be in my freezer patiently awaiting this winter's tuna casserole and macaroni and cheese dinners.

Before my greens are done, I hope to have at least 40 bags in the freezer.

I hope this brief look at my fabulous existence has brought a moment of sunlight to your dark little world. I hope it adds a scintilla of wonder to your pointless life.

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Saturday, May 22, 2010

Flowering Sage

Most people are intimidated by my vegetable gardening skills, and who can really blame them. But it is a lesser known fact that I also grow herbs around my patio. (Does he really? Oh yes, yes he does!) Some times when I lie reading in my hammock, and the wind is just right, I get a whiff of my herbs... Yet another reason why my life is better than yours.
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Wednesday, May 19, 2010

I Will Garden in Heaven

I'm pretty sure gardening will be one of my jobs. There probably won't be any weeds to pull, but I kind of hope that there are... One of my favorite things to do in the summer is to sit on my little garden seat with wheels and pull weeds in the sunshine while I catch up on my podcast sermons. My garden is like a good friend... I love her and enjoy taking care of her... I love trying to make her the best she can be... I'm proud that she's mine. She sometimes disappoints, but she gives me so much enjoyment. She is worth the trouble. When I'm not with her, she is still on my mind. I know she needs me.


I've already harvested collards, kale, and spinach. You can see in the picture some of my tomato plants still in milk carton cut-outs, although most are out of view. Tomorrow I may make wilted lettuce with my leaf lettuce and green onions. My peas will be blooming soon. I'll be planting corn and green beans this weekend.

I love my spring garden. My life is pretty good.
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Friday, May 14, 2010

Greece is the Word

As the President and Congress pledge to protect taxpayers from bailing out Wall Street firms, U.S. taxpayer monies are being used to bailout the terrible fiscal decisions of Greece.

That's very nice of us to help prop up an irresponsible socialist state, but I thought we were broke. I thought I heard that our deficits are at an all time high, and that we are borrowing money to pay for our own irresponsible socialist spending.

Margaret Thatcher once said, "The problem with socialism is that eventually you run out of other people's money to spend."

Capitalism and free markets made us such a wealthy nation. Socialism has made us debtors. Politicians and unions have made promises we can't afford to keep. The United States is Greece-Light at the moment, but I believe that soon our borrowing will end, and inflationary money-printing will begin.

My financial advice is this: If there is something you know you will need in the next 20 years, cash out your stocks, mutual funds, and savings, and buy it now while your money is still worth something. Buy gold, unless of course G. Gordon Liddy has already bought it all up.

Then, hunker down and pray for another Reagan-esque savior.

I hope this helped.

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Quote for the Day

"Orrin Hatch and Lindsey Graham have announced that they're leaning toward voting for Kagan. This is what is wrong with our guys. You would never hear the Democrats say that about any of our nominees at this stage of the process."
--Rush Limbaugh

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Saturday, May 08, 2010