Saturday, November 29, 2008

Good News from Washington

This just in from IowaHawk:

WASHINGTON DC - Ending weeks of speculation and rumors, President-Elect Barack Obama today named Bill Clinton to join his incoming administration as President of the United States, where he will head the federal government's executive branch.

"I am pleased that Bill Clinton has agreed to come out of retirement to head up this crucial post in my administration," said Obama. "He brings a lifetime of previous executive experience as Governor of Arkansas and President of the United States, and has worked closely with most of the members of my Cabinet."

"I am gratified that the President-Elect has entrusted me with this important responsibility," said Clinton. "I'm looking forward to getting back behind, and under, the Oval Office desk again. As I have told the President-Elect, I pledge to do whatever I can to serve his historic administration by making sure that none of that b__s__ he talked about during the campaign will ever see the light of day. Americans can rest assured that he will be safely confined to the East Wing, as far away as possible from any potentially dangerous office equipment or nuclear buttons."

"Let's face it, it's obvious I'm in way over my head here," explained Obama. "Anyone paying attention knows I am a disaster waiting to happen, and who can blame them? I mean, just look at the stock market. That's why I think it's in the best interest of the country that I hand over the reins to people who, whatever their ethical shortcomings, at least have a faint clue about what they're doing. Come on, man. I've got a 401-k, too."

Obama also announced that he had accepted his own appointment of himself as an Assistant Undersecretary in the Department of Housing and Urban Development.

"It's a fairly low-stress job that I'm reasonably qualified for," said Obama. "I really can't do much damage there, and it will give me plenty of free time for Oprah specials. Plus work on my next autobiography and re-election campaign."

This is great news. At first I thought it was political satire, but there's just too much truth wedged in there to be satire.


Friday, November 28, 2008

Quote for the Day

"People hold onto these images of father, mother, husband, wife... Again for the same reason; because they seem to provide some firm ground. But there's no wife there. What does that mean... A wife... A husband... A son? A baby holds your hands, and then suddenly, there's this huge man lifting you off the ground... And then he's gone. Where's that son?"
-- Andre Gregory... My Dinner with Andre


Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Giving Thanks

It's traditional at this time of the year to take a few moments and list a few things for which we are thankful.

I am thankful that I get to experience the further decay of my body, as my lonely and solitary existence is now pressed against the landscape of another cruel Indiana winter. I am thankful for the illusion of friendships and the loss of hearing that quiets the laughter behind my back. I am thankful for what's left of my retirement savings and that my acne is now limited to my buttocks. I am thankful for ibuprofen and that the odd discoloration on my lower lip is probably just a cold sore.

Happy Thanksgiving.


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

An Argument for Guns

This is just tasty.

Quote for the Day

"Do you guys carry 'My Dinner with Andre' in Blu-ray?"
-- Malott


Monday, November 24, 2008

Marriage Bed Perversion for November

Yes, as a public service, each month Malott's Blog describes one perverted act that is, well... Just wrong, even in the marriage bed. Who better to make these judgements?

Pornography in the Bedroom

I went to a Christian School... Milligan College... and one day in Humanities Class the philosophy professor said that any act in the Marriage Bed that went beyond simple sexual intercourse, was perversion.

Poor Mrs. Professor.

However, twice in my adult life I have been shocked to learn that church-going married couples that I knew and respected used X-Rated Movies in their bedroom to inflame their desire for each other and enhance their love-making.

"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:28

Case closed. I don't know what it is like for women, but men should avoid porn as if it were plague... Because it is. Marriage doesn't make pornography OK any more than it makes getting drunk with your spouse OK. And ladies, if your man takes you after watching porn, he isn't making love with you.

Q&A... Where the venerable Malott warmly responds to the questions of young couples.

Stan asks: "Mr Malott, if porn brings my wife and me closer together, isn't that a good thing?"

Malott answers: Stan, you make a good point. When you get to Hell, send me a post card.

Julie asks: "Mr Malott, I have trouble feeling amorous. But watching pornography makes me feel uninhibited and daring."

Malott answers: That's because you're a slut, Julie. Get some therapy.

I hope this was helpful!

Next month: The Kitchen Spatula and Your Purity.


The Power of the Cross

Irish women obviously have more teeth than normal females.

But what a voice.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Quote for the Day

"Beware of posing as a profound person; God became a Baby. Determinedly take no one seriously but God, and the first person you find you have to leave severely alone as being the greatest fraud you have ever known, is yourself."
--Oswald Chambers


Thursday, November 20, 2008

Sonoma and Gomorrah

Ever since Proposition 8 passed in California making Gay Marriage illegal, Gay activists have had their panties in a bunch.

Blacks and Mormons have been the main targets of the gay activists’ anger. Seventy percent of blacks voted against gay marriage in California, so racial epithets were hurled at blacks in Los Angeles — not in black neighborhoods, by the way.

Blacks who just happened to be driving through Westwood, near UCLA, were accosted in their cars and, in addition to being denounced, were warned, “You better watch your back.”

Up until now homosexuals have gotten along just fine without the right to marry... Going along their merry way, sodomizing and fellating to their hearts' content. California even provided them rights and benefits under domestic partnership laws.

But that's not what it's about, is it...

And, Leftists don't accept losing... Even when they lose.

The California Supreme Court voted 6 to 1 on Wednesday to review legal challenges to Proposition 8.

I think we know where this is headed. Millions of people can go to the polls and make their choice, but the will of the people doesn't mean much as long as there is a tyrannical activist in a black robe somewhere willing to thwart it.


How Obama Got Elected... Interviews With Obama Voters

Does this surprise anyone?

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The Poetry of the Domesticated Feline

Art often tells a story that mere words cannot express. Some images speak volumes and whisper truths that the tomes of the ages fail to relate.

Such is the Cat Butt Tattoo.

The personal accessory of choice by most cat lovers, the CBT represents so well the grace, sophistication, and taste of the cat-owner.

Quote for the Day

"I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." --Jesus


Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Quote for the Day

"It takes Almighty God Incarnate in us to do the meanest duty to the glory of God. It takes God's Spirit in us to make us so absolutely humanly His that we are utterly unnoticeable."
--Oswald Chambers


Sunday, November 16, 2008

Post-Racial America

Cross burnings. Schoolchildren chanting "Assassinate Obama." Black figures hung from nooses. Racial epithets scrawled on homes and cars.

From California to Maine, police have documented a range of alleged crimes, from vandalism and vague threats to at least one physical attack. Insults and taunts have been delivered by adults, college students and second-graders.

There have been "hundreds" of incidents since the election, many more than usual, said Mark Potok, director of the Intelligence Project at the Southern Poverty Law Center, which monitors hate crimes.

Potok, who is white, said he believes there is "a large subset of white people in this country who feel that they are losing everything they know, that the country their forefathers built has somehow been stolen from them."

Grant Griffin, a 46-year-old white Georgia native, expressed similar sentiments: "I believe our nation is ruined and has been for several decades and the election of Obama is merely the culmination of the change.

Let's consider a different Obama... An Obama that believes in a strong defense and celebrates the American soldier... An Obama that believes we should strictly enforce immigration laws and protect our borders... An Obama that denounces Acorn and promises to use his Justice Department to prosecute any and all who would undermine our elections... An Obama that denounces Judicial Tyranny and promises judges who respect the Constitution and the will of the people... An Obama that champions traditional marriage and family values... And Obama that champions personal responsibility... An Obama that champions capitalism, free markets, and free enterprise.

This black man would have won every state.

But the ultra-liberal Obama represents the antithesis of all these ideas. That's why so many good people are saying that we have lost our country.

I remember when Republicans were begging for a Condoleeza Rice candidacy.

It's not about Obama's race. It's the Obama Culture that frightens so many.

"...from vandalism and vague threats to at least one physical attack."

One physical attack!?! How shocking! Needless to say, if McCain had been elected... Events would have dwarfed the incidents mentioned above.


Saturday, November 15, 2008

Quote for the Day

"All our fears are wicked, and we fear because we will not nourish ourselves in our faith."
--Oswald Chambers


Friday, November 14, 2008

Quote for the Day

"God does not look down with His hands on His Holy Hips and sort of glare at you. He does not tap His foot... He does not hold the hammer of wrath and retribution, waiting for you to mess up and - wham - on your heart. When He looks at you, believer in Christ, He sees His Son... He sees redemption... He sees justification... and He loves." --Michael Easley


Thursday, November 13, 2008

Quote for the Day

"A woman's breast can be a hard place to rest your head. I know hard women can be very attractive and I too have been beguiled by their sassy independence and their competitive spirit. But a woman without softness is just a guy with estrogen." --Malott

Bachelor Tip for November

Yes, I've decided that as a public service I will give one tip to young bachelors each month. (Who better than I?) After all I've been on my own for a long long time and I've learned the ropes, mostly through trial and error. So here is my tip for bachelors, sure to improve their lives and chances for survival into old age:

How to Shave
Young man, there are two ways to shave your face; My way, and the wrong way. So pay close attention.
It's of paramount importance to start with the right equipment:

1) Shaving brushes are hard to find, so when you find them, buy two.

2) Williams Mug Shaving Soap has been around for a long time. Moses probably used Williams Mug Shaving Soap.

3) Any disposable razor will do. I get a box of 50 at Sam's Club for 20 dollars.

Instructions: Dampen wash cloth with very hot water and use it to moisten and soften whiskers on face and neck. Dampen shaving brush with hot water and brush the soap using a circular motion, creating a lather. Brush lather onto face and shave off. (no, the lather!)
If you do this, your face will be as soft as a baby's butt. And is there anything women love more than a baby's butt? No, I couldn't think of anything either.

Q&A... Where the venerable Malott warmly responds to the questions of young men.

Stan asks: "Mr Malott, my mom bought me an electric razor. Isn't that just as good?"

Malott answers: Stan, you little bitch. Electric razors are for married men and losers that can't get a date.

Tom asks: "Mr Malott. I don't know what to do! Shaving with a razor irritates my skin!"

Malott answers: Well gee, Nancy... Why don't you take a break from shaving, grow a couple, and try again.

I hope this was helpful!

Next month: Avoiding Women with Long, Perfectly Manicured Nails.


Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Big Mouths on Women

Skyepuppy had a post with before and after pictures of women and botox, collagen, or whatever.

I don't like women with big mouths and big lips. Been there... Didn't like it.

When I kiss a girl, I shouldn't come away with a wet chin.

Just had to get that off my chest.


Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Peter Hitchens Explains What the Election Means

The swooning frenzy over the choice of Barack Obama as President of the United States must be one of the most absurd waves of self-deception and swirling fantasy ever to sweep through an advanced civilisation. At least Mandela-worship – its nearest equivalent – is focused on a man who actually did something.

Proper books, recording his sordid associates, his cowardly voting record, his astonishingly militant commitment to unrestricted abortion and his blundering trip to Africa, are little-read and hard to find.

If you can believe that this undistinguished and conventionally Left-wing machine politician is a sort of secular saviour, then you can believe anything. He plainly doesn’t believe it himself. His cliche-stuffed, PC clunker of an acceptance speech suffered badly from nerves. It was what you would expect from someone who knew he’d promised too much and that from now on the easy bit was over.

He needn’t worry too much. From now on, the rough boys and girls of America’s Democratic Party apparatus, many recycled from Bill Clinton’s stained and crumpled entourage, will crowd round him, to collect the rich spoils of his victory and also tell him what to do, which is what he is used to.

Forget the Cold War, or even the Iraq War. The United States, having for the most part a deeply conservative people, had until now just about stood out against many of the mistakes which have ruined so much of the rest of the world.

Suspicious of welfare addiction, feeble justice and high taxes, totally committed to preserving its own national sovereignty, unabashedly Christian in a world part secular and part Muslim, suspicious of the Great Global Warming panic, it was unique.

And now the US, like Britain before it, has begun the long slow descent into the Third World. How sad. Where now is our last best hope on Earth?

Well Peter... Even stupid people can wake up... Though it may take a depression. America may be on life support, but we're not dead yet. Somtimes it takes a Carter to pave the way for a Reagan.


Monday, November 10, 2008

Morslims and Musrons

Tsofah has an interesting - and infuriating - post about the history of the Jewish Temples and the claims of certain Palestinian Officials... Though "official" is a gracious description of these persons.

I left a comment and toyed with combining the words moron and Muslim... Neither Morslims nor Musrons sounded quite right... So I used the word idiotic instead.

Maybe Palestidiots...


My Favorite Veteran
I first posted this 3 years ago. Dad is now 87, and going strong.

When I was a little boy I knew where to find the two blue boxes. I knew if I went to my parent's bedroom... opened their chest of drawers... and if I looked underneath my father's underwear... there they would be. In one navy blue box was a military medal symbolic of a sailor's inability to dodge flying shrapnel from an exploding Japanese suicide plane. In the other box was a medal symbolic of a young Hoosier farm boy's courage and devotion to duty.

When I was in high school the youth group from my church came to our house and my dad gave a talk about the war. The gist of his story was that when the bullets and the bombs begin to fly there are no atheists in the U.S. Navy. He did a great job which kind of surprised me a little because I didn't really think of Dad as a public speaker. Anyway, as a visual aid he passed around his Purple Heart. While my friends were looking at it I cornered Dad in the kitchen and said, "Dad, let me go get your Bronze Star and pass it around. That's a much neater medal." He shook his head, and without even looking at me he answered, "No no, that wouldn't be the thing to do."

The reason why I love this story about Dad so much - is that in this entire world there is only one person to whom that Bronze Star means more than it does to me. There is only one person who is prouder of that Bronze Star than I am... And that person is my father.

I don't know what makes a man so humble. Maybe it's just his upbringing and his nature. Then again, maybe it's because he saw friends blown up... and others burned horribly... and he knew that they had given more than he had. And maybe in his mind that made passing his Bronze Star around the room the wrong thing to do.

Well Dad is 84 now, and a couple years ago my mother put her foot down and got both medals out from under his underwear, framed them, and hung them on the wall along with a picture of Dad in his uniform. It makes a fine display. I sometimes look at that young man in the picture and wonder what he thought when the bombs began to fly, and what courage it took to stand his ground and do his duty.

And I think of all those young boys... in all those wars. God bless them all.

Saturday, November 08, 2008

More on Palin Bashing

This video is very revealing... Especially the 2nd woman interviewed...

I saw Carl Cameron on The O'Reilly Factor when he reported the anonymous criticism of Governor Palin. I think these two pompous, sexist asses, Cameron and O'Reilly, should be ashamed of themselves. This kind of cowardly anonymous trashing is so unfair and leaves the governor with no dignified way to defend herself... And the fact it was reported taints Cameron and O'Reilly. These two little men who have accomplished much less than the governor, recklessly helped propagate rumors about a good woman who tirelessly gave her all to the campaign and energized the Republican base.

I chose not to believe the stories, because they didn't make sense. But they still made me doubt her... At least for awhile. It's just not fair that one disgruntled campaign worker can anonymously trash Palin, and it's unprofessional and irresponsible for Cameron and O'Reilly to report it.

And who should you believe? Some faceless, nameless phantom who could have any number of prejudices or agendas... Or the people who know her best and are willing to go to bat for her... On the record.


Friday, November 07, 2008

A Comment from Grammy

I discovered this comment from "Grammy" buried down a few posts... And I wanted to post it here because it represents my feelings very well:

I love George W. Bush. He's spent way too much of my money, and I wish he hadn't done that, so he's not perfect, but I love the man. I cannot imagine the burden of information and responsibility that he has awakened to every day since 9/11. I suspect that he has been privy to much national security information that would vindicate many of his unpopular decisions. We would all probably be horrified if we woke up to a national security briefing every day and knew what he knows about threats against America. It is not an accident that we haven't experienced another attack like 9/11. I have never heard him either defend himself or launch derisive attacks against those who ridicule him. He is always stoically silent, and it's probably cost him a lot of popularity. George Bush has personal discipline, integrity and courage and that's why I love George W. Bush. I wish I could be around to see how history treats him.

Well said.
Dear Al,

I raked up a bunch of leaves in my backyard today and deposited them in my garden. I stuffed in a few bunches of newspaper and set them ablaze.

The aroma of the burning leaves took me back to my childhood, before burning laws, when you were allowed to rake your leaves and burn them in your driveway or along the road. Fall was my favorite time of the year as a child, with high school football and crisp teperatures - and the smell of burning leaves in my neighborhood was a part of it. Today took me back to that, Al.

And today as the clouds of fragrant smoke filled my new neighborhood, just outside the city limits, I thought of you, Al. I thought of your pseudo scientists, your global warming scam, and your phony baloney carbon credits. I knew you would disapprove of what I was doing.

And I smiled.

So screw you, Al. You're an idiot, and I never liked you.

Quote for the Day

I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. 1Timothy 2

What are we to pray for president-elect Obama? Isn't it obvious? First and foremost our prayer for President Obama is for his conversion. --Pastor James White


Thursday, November 06, 2008

Conservative in 2012

Now that we know what doesn't win... Let's take a look at possible candidates for 2012.

* Governor Mark Sanford
Who? Maybe Grammy could tell us something about him... I remember him dying in a video in which he tried to defend McCain's in an interview w/ Blitzer. Still, since he was mentioned as a possible VP, his name is out there.

* Governor Mike Huckabee
With a new television show on Fox, Huckabee may be positioning himself for a run in 2012. This would again split the conservative vote, because so many people vote for who they "like," and not for who would be the strongest candidate.

** Governor Sarah Palin
This is one smart and competent woman... A quick study who has been successful at everything she has attempted... But she was not ready for the 2008 campaign. The trashing will continue because the Left fears her, but if she spends the next two years getting herself ready, she might surprise us all.

**** Governor Tim Pawlenty
This unashamed Evangelical governor of Minnesota has spoken at March for Life rallies in St.Paul. If he can deliver his state... And if he wants it... He might be the strongest candidate the Republicans can field.

**** Governor Mitt Romney
If not for the Huckabee campaign, I believe Mitt would have been the GOP nominee in '08. He was the choice of Coulter, Limbaugh, Ingraham, Hewitt, Malkin, and other Conservatives I respect. If he can make himself look Pro Life and a little less stiff... And has learned from his mistakes this year... He could be the go-to guy... Because he exudes competence.

***** Governor Bobby Jindal
I don't see any weaknesses here. Conservative... Competent... Attractive young family... Not white... Many see him as the front-runner.

I hope you will take a moment and vote in the comment section. "Write-ins" accepted, of course.


President Pawlenty ?

You need to watch this video... I like this guy.

Preparing the Soil

BATON ROUGE, LA (AP) - Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal is fueling speculation of possible long-term presidential ambitions with a planned trip to Iowa next month.

Jindal will keynote a fundraising dinner for the Iowa family policy center's "celebrating the family" banquet, a high-profile christian conservative event in a state pivotal in presidential races. The governor's spokeswoman, Melissa Sellers, confirmed that Jindal will attend the event November 22nd and also will make a stop in the Cedar Rapids area to see some of the recent flooding damage there.

This obviously marks Malott's Blog's coverage of campaign 2012.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Quote for the Day

For now, we have a new president-elect. In the spirit of reaching across the aisle, we owe it to the Democrats to show their president the exact same kind of respect and loyalty that they have shown our recent Republican president. --Ann Coulter


The sun'll come out
Bet your bottom dollar
That tomorrow
There'll be sun!

Just electin' our dear
Clears away our savings,
And our freedom
And our guns!

We've elected a Noob
A Marxist,
So just stick out your chin
And Grin,
And Say,

The sun'll come out
So ya gotta hang on 'til tomorrow
Come what may

Don't screw us
You're just a
Few days

Where's my tax cut?

And Then Depression Set In...

Well... At least I won't have to make my house payments anymore...

I can't believe Indiana went blue... I'm so ashamed...

When's my tax cut start?

Wait a second...

The last time we elected someone this bad... This wrong... This incompetent... We ended up with double digit inflation and double digit unemployment... Interest rates were so high that you couldn't afford to buy a home...

And in waltzed the greatest President of the 20th Century.

This time he won't be named Reagan, but maybe he'll be named Jindal or Romney... Or maybe she'll be named Palin...

In 1978 I didn't think our situation would ever get better.

I was wrong.

We'll survive this Noob... He'll do a lot of damage... But we'll take him down, and we'll get our country back.

McCain is not a conservative and never was the answer. Though this election is a tragedy, it may be for the best.

Just hang on. And pray.


Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Anonymous Child for November

Very nice. November's anonymous child is obviously Swedish, Norwegian, or possibly Filipino.

Here is the anonymous child earlier in her life at the park with some anonymous gomer.

Here is the anonymous child while camping with same anonymous gomer.
Quote for Election Day

"The Church will experience a revival proportional to America's loss of wealth and security." --Malott

That 9/11 Feeling

I will vote today. I will pray today. But looking at the polls on the Drudge Report makes me feel kind of like I did on that sunny September morning when the world changed for the worse. I watched the towers burn and fall that day... Today I will vote, but I will not watch the destruction.

Of the votes I'm sure of in the small department in which I work, McCain leads Obama 14 to 1. But we are a well-educated, hard working group. The one Obama vote is a Christian young man who comes from a "Union" family. He can't help it.

My regrets about this election: The choice of McCain. The poorly run campaign. The belittling of a very good and accomplished Christian woman.

My TV will be off tonight. I will awake assuming the worst.

OK... Sure... Hope springs eternal.

Well... It springs until tomorrow morning.


Saturday, November 01, 2008

Buy Guns

Americans have cut back on buying cars, furniture and clothes in a tough economy, but there's one consumer item that's still enjoying healthy sales: guns. Purchases of firearms and ammunition have risen 8 to 10 percent this year, according to state and federal data.

Several variables drive sales, but many dealers, buyers and experts attribute the increase in part to concerns about the economy and fears that if Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois wins the presidency, he will join with fellow Democrats in Congress to enact new gun controls.

I asked a farmer friend of mine what he will do when Obama sends the ATF to his home to ask him to register his firearms. His response, "What firearms?"

My reply, "Good answer... Good man!"

The founding fathers experienced tyranny firsthand. They knew our citizens needed to be armed... In case they might need to take their country back... From threats outside... And from threats within.

Buy guns. If you have to sign your name, write "Mickey Mouse." It works for voter registration.