Thursday, March 30, 2006

Further Proof

FAIRFIELD, Conn. (AP) - Residents of the neighborhood of Sunset Circle say they have been terrorized by a crazy cat named Lewis. Lewis for his part has been uniquely cited, personally issued a restraining order by the town's animal control officer.
"He looks like Felix the Cat and has six toes on each foot, each with a long claw," Janet Kettman, a neighbor said Monday. "They are formidable weapons."
The neighbors said those weapons, along with catlike stealth, have allowed Lewis to attack at least a half dozen people and ambush the Avon lady as she was getting out of her car.
Some of those who were bitten and scratched ended up seeking treatment at area hospitals.
Animal Control Officer Rachel Solveira placed a restraining order on him. It was the first time such an action was taken against a cat in Fairfield.
In effect, Lewis is under house arrest, forbidden to leave his home.
Solveira also arrested the cat's owner, Ruth Cisero, charging her with failing to comply with the restraining order and reckless endangerment.

Only pure evil would attack the Avon lady.


Andrew said...

Please tell me you're not opening a new front on the War on Cats? The world released a collective sigh of relief when the previous conflict was resolved amicably. We now shudder in fear at the specter of renewed hostilities.

In the words of that great American patriot, Rodney King, "can't we all just get along?"

Oh, and as a side note, surely the residents of Sunset Circle don't really think that placing Lewis on house arrest is going to solve the problem. Why would Lewis' owner want to spend 24 hours a day with a deranged beast that is willing to attack a poor, unsuspecting Avon lady? I'd keep him outside too.

Malott said...

Demonic cat posts fall under both freedom of religion and freedom of speech.

But for the sake of humanity I will endeavor to soften the rhetoric.

Andrew said...

Freedom of religion, maybe - particularly if the whole "Satan's cupbearer" thing from your previous post is true. Freedom of speech, though? I'm not so sure:

"[I]t is well understood that the right of free speech is not absolute at all times and under all circumstances. There are certain well-defined and narrowly limited classes of speech, the prevention and punishment of which has never been thought to raise any Constitutional problem. These include ... the insulting or 'fighting' words - those which by their very utterance inflict injury or tend to incite an immediate breach of the peace. It has been well observed that such utterances are no essential part of any exposition of ideas, and are of such slight social value as a step to truth that any benefit that may be derived from them is clearly outweighed by the social interest in order and morality." Chaplinksy v. New Hampshire, 315 U.S. 568, 571-72 (1942).

As much as I identify with the pro-dog crowd, the rancor that arose from the pro-cat insurgency in response to your previous posts makes me question whether this most recent post might run afoul of the Chaplinsky "fighting words" doctrine.

SkyePuppy said...


This is more in the line of a public service. Readers are warned, and therefore they can refrain from loitering in the now-dangerous neighborhood of Sunset Circle.

I once lived next-door to some people who had a dark gray cat the color of murky shadows, with odd-colored eyes (it was in 1978, so I can't remember exactly what color they were, just that they were strange). And the cat had a sixth toe up its leg by its wrist (ankle?), and it would sit there in the shadows, looking at you with its freaky eyes, and licking that extra toe as some kind of warning.

Chris is right, at least about some cats being demons. But I won't go farther than that.

Andrew said...


You'll get no argument from me - and you also won't catch me anywhere near Sunset Circle.

Although I've never lived next door to a six-toed cat, I did have a jr. high teacher many years ago who would give extra credit if you spotted a three-legged cat. As I recall, he maintained a map of the city and would put push pins at every location where one was found. I'm still not entirely sure what the educational purpose of this exercise was.

Personally, I much prefer dogs as a general rule. However, I must confess to wondering about the "demonic" nature of a few canines from time to time. For example, when I was but a young lad, my family moved to a new city. While waiting on the school bus for the first day at my new school, the neighbor's miniature schnauzer urinated on my brand new tennis shoes. Obviously, this left a lasting scar on my psyche and I have never been able to look at miniature schauzers the same way again.

Christina said...

Well, Mr. Malott, I do believe that you have broken the terms of our peace treaty. This is quite the shame, and to be honest, I expected more of you...

Allow me to share a life-altering experience...

When I was but a mere 4 or 5 years old, my family took me and my younger sister to visit a great-uncle. This uncle happened to have a large dog. I remember that it was a doberman, though there is some dispute about this. Either way, it was a large breed.

Now, I grew up around cats, but had no intrinsic fear of dogs. While visiting this uncle, he let the dog, who had been outside, back into the house. The dog came charging in and ran right at me and my sister. Being less-refined than me, my sister (who was probably 2-3 at the time) jumped up on the couch and started screaming. I did nothing of the sort. I simply stood still, only to have the massive and clearly deranged beast proceed to bite my hand. My crime? Simply existing. Forget the Avon Lady. Could there be a more vile beast than one that bites and forever scars an innocent little girl?

From that day on, I harbored a fear of large dogs, yet still I did not call them demonic or possessed. I realized that they were clearly just not my kind of companion. I have since met a few dogs (in particular a large dog named Butch who I believe is now most certainly letting the angels scratch his belly) with whom I have come to an amicable understanding. They don't jump all over me, bite or drool too much, and we can get along just fine.

I find the gentle purr of a soft fluffy kitty curled in my lap to be much more soothing than the incessant bark and bite of a deranged dog.