Attractive African-American to Run for President

Gentlemen's Quarterly recently caught up with a very busy Howard Dean and asked about the reaction among Democrats to the meteoric rise in popularity of their newest Presidential Candidate.

GQ: What is the reaction among Democrats to the meteoric rise in popularity of your newest Presidential Candidate?

Dean: There are high-fives and backslapping like you wouldn't believe. We've got a winner here.

GQ: And it's not all just a bunch of hype?

Dean: No, we've checked this one out and we're convinced that we've got a Negro we can sell. And it's about time. The Republicans have been snatching up all the good ones.

GQ. You've fielded other black candidates. Why is this man special?

Dean: Oh, please.... This one's smart! And, he's educated. He's articulate for crying out loud. He's even half white, so his skin color isn't too dark, if you know what I mean. Well just look at him, he stands up straight and has good teeth... If he can dance around the issues, this boy is going to rise to the top in no time.

GQ: We understand he is very liberal. He even supports partial-birth abortion.

Dean: Hey, this guy is teflon-incarnate. He has the ability to talk and say absolutely nothing. Besides, anyone who criticizes him in anyway has got to be a racist - and we all know the power of the race card!

GQ: But he has authored no meaningful legislation in his first two years as Senator. The only accomplishment we've been able to turn up is that he gave one speech at the Democrat National Convention.

Dean: Well now that sounds like something a racist would bring up. Gentleman's Quarterly isn't...

GQ: Oh, no no no... you misunderstood. I would never suggest that any African-American was inexperienced or unaccomplished in any way at any time...

Dean: Well alright then... You may proceed.

GQ: Oh thank you. Thank you very much. No really, thank you... Really.
Uh, this man's father was an upper class Kenyan who divorced his mother when he was two years old. Your candidate was raised by whites and educated in a private school in Hawaii.

Dean: Yeah, ain't it great!

GQ: But will American Blacks support a man who may be black, but has nothing in common with them?

Dean: As always, the Coloreds will vote for whomever we tell them to.

GQ: You mean African-Americans?

Dean: Uh, yeah, you know, the Negroes. Besides, they're not the target audience. We're looking to solidify the "white-liberal guilt-vote", and we've got the guy who is just black enough to get the job done, but not so black as to scare anybody away. Shoot, he sounds white on the radio! He's perfect!


GQ: But what if the Republicans counter with Condoleeza Rice, a sharecropper's grand-daughter, raised in Alabama...

Dean: No, Condi Rice is a right-wing, Uncle Tom, buck-toothed, Oreo-Bitch.

GQ: Oh. Of Course.
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