(Shown above: An artist's conception of my history with women.)
People used to try to "fix me up" - but they don't anymore. I take that as a very bad sign.
I'm still drawn to the fairer sex... but I'm no longer "needy." When I was in my teens and twenties... I was needy. And I had dating skills back then, too. Today my pick-up line would be, "You don't want to go out with me, do ya?"
I had dates in my twenties.
Now I have quiet evenings. One after the other.
But my life has its own charm. In fact - it's like I'm married - and my wife is away, caring for her sick mother... Perpetually. There is peace. There is freedom... There is no tension. There is no guilt... I disappoint no one.
But I know how these things work. And they are cyclical.
And I am due.
It will begin as it always does... An abiding distraction with every flirtatious glance, every touch, every wafting feminine scent or fragrance... A restlessness that troubles my sleep... A primitive fire that smolders - effecting my body temperature, my posture, and the tone of my voice. As the yearning intensifies, my very pores will dump sexual pheromones into the atmosphere... Attracting trouble... Fomenting an edgy need to draw near and touch... Quickening both the heart and the essence of desire... As I become the undaunted pursuer... The animal on the prowl... The loaded gun...
Then again, maybe I'll just take a nap.
12 comments:
Napping is good. The alternative sounds dangerous.
I could be a dangerous man...
If I wasn't so totally harmless.
Oh my, that was hysterical!
Thanks for the laugh Chris.
Janice.
I'm glad that you enjoyed it.
But I gotta tell you... If you treasure your dignity, you don't want to be 53 and single in America.
:)
Have you tried praying for a hot chick to fall through your roof?
And doesn't it just make you say ICK when someone is on round five or six of marriage and you're still sitting on go waiting for round one? That irritates the snot out of me. By that point I can't even muster up a polite congratulations. It's more like a half smile.
As for the nap - very wise. Although this morning after my long night's nap, I realized I'd had a most mortifying dream - perhaps I'd have been wiser to stay awake and deal with reality.
Jacob,
I think I'd be at cross-purposes with God because he no doubt prefers that I avoid "hot chicks."
(But it's a thought.)
Bekah,
I know singleness has a totally different set of connotations, insinuations, and ramifications for a young woman.
...Though you seem to have the right perspective. It sounds as if you thumb your nose at the nonsense and get on with being "Bekah."
Good plan.
Hot chicks...skinny chicks...chicks who climb on rocks... what's the difference?
(btw: what the hell did I just quote from?)
Fat kids, skinny kids,
Kids who climb on rocks...
Tough kids, sissy kids,
even kids with chickenpox,
love hot dogs,
Armour hot dogs,
The dogs kids love to bite.
Jacob,
America is often accused of jingoism, but it looks as though jingle-ism is the bigger threat. I had no idea our hot dog commercials made it all the way to your house. Wonders never cease!
Malott:
It's when you take a nap WHILE you are on date that makes it hard to maintain a relationship. That and falling face first into the spaghetti dinner she makes for you. :-)
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