Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Sexually-Transmitted Disease Day

It is a little know fact that 32% of the yearly infections of STD's occurs on February 14th and the wee hours of February 15th.

I was the only employee at my place of business to have Valentine's Day off. Ironic?

To be sure.

So I went cruising the Super Market for single women. Whenever I saw a female with a bare ring-finger pushing a cart my way, I would smile... And she would immediately shudder and look away. (Perhaps it was the black polyester slacks and tennis shoes.) Then I would return to perusing the frozen dinner section, trying to look lonely and pathetic... Not a significant stretch for me. I finally gave up and took my Marie Callendar dinners to the checkout. The new one I'm trying this week is "Herb Chicken."

So for me... It looks like another Valentine's Day alone... And disease free.
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10 comments:

SkyePuppy said...

And she would immediately shudder and look away.

I don't get that. Polyester pants are usually such a turn-on.

I'll be heading over to the grocery store this morning to pick up my favorite Valentine's Day treat: the gigantic strawberries dipped in chocolate that Albertson's sells in 4-packs every year. I usually share them with my daughter.

With my bare ring-finger, maybe I should practice shuddering before I leave...

2/14/2008 11:31 AM
Malott said...

Skyepuppy,

If your shudder isn't working, bursting out laughing is just as effective.

...Hadn't even thought of the candy aisle.

2/14/2008 11:37 AM
Bekah said...

I've given up on the whole ring concept anyway. I have a fake wedding ring that I wear when I visit one certain place where a particular person tends to stare incessently. It hasn't made one bit of difference. He still stares. And my mother finds this amusing!

I usually "celebrate" this day by drowning my sorrows in a blizzard. The ice cream kind. Then last year I found myself drowned in a blizzard of the snow variety. So I decided to end that tradition.

And I took tomorrow off - to recover.

Happy valentine's day anyway! :)

2/14/2008 3:50 PM
Jacob said...

Aw, ditto.

The supermarket? How do you start a conversation in a supermarket that isn't about, like, beans or something?

2/14/2008 8:54 PM
Malott said...

Bekah,

Pretty little girls get stared at... It's a law of nature. Even the guys that don't stare are still looking. They're just sneakier about it.

2/14/2008 9:01 PM
Malott said...

Jacob,

You look at the woman with a puzzled look on your face and ask something like, "So which oil do I fry chicken in?"

2/14/2008 9:07 PM
SkyePuppy said...

Chris,

Good answer to Jacob's question. Much better than talking about beans and maybe asking which variety is less gassy...

2/14/2008 10:16 PM
Malott said...

Skyepuppy,

Good point. Wouldn't have the gassy discussion.

Well into my high school years I believed that women never had gas. Why? Because I'd never witnessed it, and it certainly was never discussed. I thought it was just an ugly little peculiarity reserved for men.

Yes, when I was young there was more than one "F" word.

2/15/2008 3:41 AM
SkyePuppy said...

Chris,

We don't have gas. That's our story, and I'm sticking with it. And even if we did (which we don't), we wouldn't make parlor games out of it.

2/15/2008 10:25 AM
Jacob said...

God, have we covered every topic under the sun that we're now talking about farts?

I fart. I think dutch ovens are hi-larious, provided its not me who gets his head stuck under the sheets.

ew.

2/16/2008 5:21 AM

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