56

It's 5AM, I'm sitting at my computer, and I'm 56 years old. My house is filling with the aroma of my kick-arse hash brown casserole baking in the oven... And may I take a moment to say that I really am a terrific cook. It may sound like I'm bragging, but actually I'm holding back. I am still single today because women of every race, creed, and sexual eccentricity are intimidated by my cooking... And my abs, but surely that goes without saying.

I'm also very clever and bright... Witty? In Spades! I would be the life of the party if I had any friends that threw parties.

Amazingly (and this will forever humble me), I'm just getting better with age.

And today is my birthday... So I expect to actually get away with saying all of the above.

....