Friday, May 01, 2009

Malott Diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder

It's true. I'm getting nowhere near enough attention.

I was thinking maybe I could get some attention by being louder and more obnoxious at work, but I've pretty much already peaked in that area. I could fake an epileptic fit, but I'd end up in ER and goodness knows what they'd do to me.

I could get attention by soiling myself... Filling my pants and walking around like that... But I figure that will be my primary mode of social interaction in a few short years, so why rush it. My family will all move to Florida and I'll never see them again. I'll die alone... Probably do a header down the stairs and they'll find me when I've missed a few mortgage payments... They'll never get the stink out of the house.

I guess I'm a little depressed. My spring garden is crap because of cold temperatures and flooding from the incessant rain... The city is going to dig up my yard to put in a new sewer line... I'm 55 years old but I'm aging so rapidly that I calculate I'll be 60 by next Thursday... My libido has deteriorated to the point that I think about something sensual about every six to eight days... (That's working days.)

And I think I'm getting a cold sore.

Other than that, everything is just freaking delightful.

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6 comments:

Bekah said...

welcome back, friend! i think it is wise to not look for attention in some of the considered areas...better to just share them with us! :) it's good to know that despite the variety of headaches...your sense of humor remains intact.

5/01/2009 3:47 PM
Christina said...

But just remember....you've still got that lame nephew and the other one to comfort you in your old age.

One the bright side, the new sewer line should have your toilet working great, the value of which you should never underestimate.

5/02/2009 8:55 AM
janice said...

Chris, I was (self) diagnosed with Affection Deficit Disorder. Do you think we'll be OK?

Good to see you back posting.

5/02/2009 11:11 AM
SkyePuppy said...

I'm with Christina about the sewer line. The time some tree roots blocked the sewer line downstream from my house was Not Fun. You'll be able to avoid that particular adventure.

Glad to have you back!

5/02/2009 4:23 PM
Tsofah said...

Malott, I'm with Christina and Skye about the sewer lines.

Also, I told Bekah I was wondering about your tomatoes. It's never too late to plant and hope! Start a couple in buckets in your home and then...transplant them later outside????

Hubby planted extra outside this year. Maybe you can still pass on your green thumb tips to those of us who can benefit from your wisdom.

Bekah's right, some of your attention getting ideas would probably backfire. Besides, the "announcement" on my blog of "Malott, where are you?" wasn't enough? Next time I'll see if I can afford an ad in the newspaper! :-D

5/03/2009 5:03 PM
Grammy said...

I'm particularly amused with Tsofah saying some of your proposed attention getting tactics would probably backfire...I agree, especially about the loading up your pants idea.

Obviously, we missed you over the last two weeks and are glad to see you back. I appreciate the work you all of you guys do with your blogs. The thought of all those posts is overwhelming to me. You're entitled to a little time off, but just know that your "vacation time" doesn't go unnoticed. We keep checking to see what you've posted.

5/03/2009 7:47 PM

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