The Milk of Human Kindness

MARCH 8--A Kentucky woman is facing a felony assault charge for allegedly squirting breast milk into the face of a female jailer. After Toni Tramel, 31, was arrested last Thursday for public intoxication, she was transported to the Daviess County Detention Center in Owensboro. While there, Tramel was directed to change into a jail uniform. But the uncooperative suspect was "too intoxicated to complete the task on her own," so Officer Lula Brown sought to aid her. While in the jail's shower room, Brown told Tramel that she "needed to take her shirt and bra off" before changing into a green jail smock. That is when Tramel "took off her bra, grabbed her breast and squirted breast milk, hitting me in the face and neck region," reported Brown. Tramel attempted a second lactation assault, "but was unsuccessful," added Brown. Tramel is now being held in the Daviess County lockup on $5000 bond. As for Brown, a jail press release noted that the officer was successfully able to "clean the bio-hazard off her."

You know, there are many things a sensitive man such as I could say about this story, but I suppose what interests me most is the concept of using a loaded breast as a weapon. Could they be used in robberies? Who knows what I might willingly do if I had a breast held to my head.

And is there a new Olympic event here? Marksmanship. Style.

My imagination runneth over.

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