Friday, March 05, 2010

Finding Doreen

Chapter 2: Her Life is Better Than Mine

I still get an occasional email from Doreen, my college girlfriend, though she still won't be my Facebook Friend. The girl obviously has her standards.

I've learned that Doreen has had a more interesting life than I have had. A better life. She sent me the picture below, showing her vacationing at Myrtle Beach with Roberts Blossom, the scary neighbor in Home Alone, and Joan Allen, the star of Face Off and The Bourne Supremacy.

Wait... Maybe that's her dad and her sister. Not sure.

And no, I don't have permission to post this picture. Nor will I seek it.

Thirty-five years ago Doreen was securely under my thumb. I was the big Cahuna in her life. Numero Uno. The Man. The Big Cheese. Now, she is more travelled than I. She has a better job than I. And she has certainly kept her looks better than I have.

Wait, I'm not done whining.

Doreen has two great looking, smart, and talented kids. She has a husband who works with special needs children... A freaking Saint. (Swell.) He's the very same guy that poisoned her mind and stole her away from me. Did I tell you that she has a better job than I do? I helped this girl get through freshman chemistry!

Today I'll drive my octogenarian parents to Sam's Club, which will be the highlight of my day. Well... No it won't... I just remembered, I'm going to the dentist, too.



Doreen said...


You still have such an incredible sense of humor. In so many ways you're still the best man I've ever known. I regret... yes, regret mistreating you by throwing you away like an old shoe, and destroying your life.
Wait... OK... This is a fake comment. This is actually Malott.

When it comes to dialogue, I find I get more pleasing results when I do both parts.

Malott said...

The entire staff at Malott's Blog wishes to apologize for the preceding comment which is a flagrant misrepresentation of a good and decent woman whose good taste no doubt prevents her from ever visiting a seedy Blog such as ours.

Thank you.

Bekah said...

Chris, you are making me laugh!!

And that guy really does look like the scary Home Alone neighbor. That guy still scares me and I'm...well...we won't post an age. But old enough to be past such things

Grammy said...

Oh....C-pher, you're a very entertaining piece of work. No doubt she would have said exactly what you did, so I hardly think you've misrepresented her.

Malott said...

I only met him a couple times...Great guy! But the beard makes the resemblance dead-on.

Yes, she would be kind as she always was, but I'm sure she knows that she picked the better man.

Christina said...

I wish we lived closer. I'd happily take your mom and dad to Sam's Club. Emily and I love going there. (Ethan, well...he doesn't have an opinion yet, but when he learns about the free samples, I suspect he'll like it there just fine too!)

Now the dentist is an entirely different story. Good luck with that one.

Malott said...


Actually I'm glad to take them around. I shudder to think that they might feel trapped at home now that Dad doesn't drive.

But I wish you guys lived closer anyway!

Christina said...

Oh, I hope you know I wasn't implying that you weren't willing (and happy) to help out your parents. I know you are. I just also know that it's nice to have others who are willing to share some of the responsibilities as well.

And I like shopping and being out and about, so I wouldn't mind that kind of thing at all.

Tsofah said...

Any guy who takes his parents, who are 80 something, to Sam's Club is a saint, in my book! Not many people in their 80's have children who live close enough to do such things.

Some don't care to help their parents with ANYTHING.

I've a newfound respect for you, because:

You, my dear Malott, are a treasure!

Malott said...


Thank you! And my parents do have special needs.

Tsofah said...


So does my son - many. We have that in common, eh? (smile)