Friday, January 30, 2009

February 14th... St. Mercenary's Day

In one of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite movies, Out of Africa, Berkeley Cole describes his friend, Denys Finch Hatton, this way: "He likes to give presents... But not at Christmas."

I can think of nothing more unromantic than the concept of Valentine's Day. Where is the romance in this yearly cue card... this reminder on the calendar to express affection for your chosen one by spending some money. It ranks right up there with choosing an engagement ring based on the "two month's salary rule."

Generalizing... Women love Valentine's Day. Men do not.

Generalizing... The bigger the piece of jewelry purchased, the more pedestrian the marriage.

Booty for booty is not romance.

Now I'm sure there are many mature, unselfish couples that have worked this out and have a wonderful time on this day... Every year. Great!

But I'll pass. Love shouldn't march to a drummer. I'd rather write my own script. And if the timing in my actions on the stage are clumsy and disappointing... And if my fervently spoken lines fail to fulfill my chosen one... Then I have chosen poorly.


Thursday, January 29, 2009

The Obama-Limbaugh Stimulus Plan of 2009

Fifty-three percent of American voters voted for Barack Obama; 46% voted for John McCain, and 1% voted for wackos. Give that 1% to President Obama. Let's say the vote was 54% to 46%. As a way to bring the country together and at the same time determine the most effective way to deal with recessions, under the Obama-Limbaugh Stimulus Plan of 2009: 54% of the $900 billion -- $486 billion -- will be spent on infrastructure and pork as defined by Mr. Obama and the Democrats; 46% -- $414 billion -- will be directed toward tax cuts, as determined by me.

I say, cut the U.S. corporate tax rate -- at 35%, among the highest of all industrialized nations -- in half. Suspend the capital gains tax for a year to incentivize new investment, after which it would be reimposed at 10%. Then get out of the way! Once Wall Street starts ticking up 500 points a day, the rest of the private sector will follow. (emphasis added)

The economic crisis is an opportunity to unify people, if we set aside the politics. The leader of the Democrats and the leader of the Republicans (me, according to Mr. Obama) can get it done. This will have the overwhelming support of the American people. Let's stop the acrimony. Let's start solving our problems, together.

Sounds good to me!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Limbaugh-Hannity 01-21-09

This is not a hateful man. This is a man with beliefs and convictions.

On his program he uses the same kind of logic and comedy that Left Wing entertainers like Keith Olbermann and Saturday Night Live use... And - HE - is hated because, like them, he is successful in his efforts.

To celebrate inauguration day I bought Rush 24/7... I will now get his podcast, and have access to all the items at his website.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Grammy on Academia

Sometimes the best comments are never read because they are in... Well, they're in comments. Grammy wrote an interesting comment on my previous post. And, since Grammy has no blog page of her own, (tsk...) I'll share it here:

"If things are to turn around it has to happen with the next generation, and the next generation looks clearly poised to keep swinging wildly toward amoral socialism. I have a wild notion! I think all parents in America should refuse to pay for their children's college. College is a breeding ground of non-accountability. Think about it. It is a fatally flawed system when the consumer (the student) does not pay for the product consumed (college education). This is white collar entitlement thinking. If people had to pay for their own education, the colleges would be smaller, less crazy, and students would come in with a no-nonsense expectation that they want their money's worth and they don't want to pay for a bunch of ridiculous non-academic social engineering experimentation. They'd also be older and more mature because they'd have to spend some time working to earn money to pay for their education. College professors might actually think of their students as customers instead of raw material to be plied into leftist drones."

Yep, I figure that would cut the national college student population in about half... And that would have to be good for America in itself. The closest thing to what Grammy describes is the small communty college, or the commuter college. No dormitories... College with lingering parental supervision.

Indiana University at Kokomo is like that, and there are actually some conservative profs teaching there. Those kids are all about getting their degree... And borrowing and spending as little money as possible in the process.

I would just add that I think we should introduce "The Fairness Doctrine" into the college classroom... Into the Schools of Journalism, Political Science, Psychology and Sociology...

For every Professor Keith Olbermann there would be a Professor Glen Beck. This would change everything because stupidity never competes well alongside common sense.

But as long as parents - and taxpayers - are willing to cough up the cash...

There is nothing wrong with your classroom. Do not attempt to adjust the curricula. We are controlling your education. For the next hour, sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear. We repeat, there is nothing wrong with your classroom. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to... The Outer Limits of Academic Credibility.


Friday, January 23, 2009

I Pledge Allegiance to the Past

Last November we observed cheating in elections... Stolen elections. We sadly acknowledge that any hope we had of overturning Roe is dead... And that coast to coast Gay Marriage is now a certainty...

We are heartened as our brave sons and daughters continue to step forward and serve gallantly... But are incensed as their political leaders slander them, and treasonously undermine their efforts.

We helplessly watch as the will of the people is overruled by judicial tyranny.

We see a good and accomplished Christian woman mercilessly lampooned and defamed for the sake of political expediency.

We suffer as our economy flounders, as the Political Party whose policies created the problem thrives on those very failings.

We watch as a lawful, civilized ally, threatened on all sides by our mutual enemy, struggles to survive... And wonder if our country will continue to stand with her.

We watch as our once good, even devout culture deteriorates into a graceless, ignorant mob.

I love my country, but what has she become? I'm not sure I recognize her anymore... And it is my understanding, my beliefs, and my identity that become more alien each day.

So I'll pledge allegiance to the past. And as my country continues its journey into a new darkness, I'll take comfort in the fact that my first allegiance has always been to The Lamb. Throughout history every tyrant and every sinful, corrupt nation have eventually fallen or faded to insignificance. But one high, unimpeachable, and exalted figure still towers triumphantly above them all... The Lord Jesus Christ. And He remains mankind's one truth and only hope.

Quote for the Day

"In this great land, which is now my home, I am absolutely convinced that meaninglessness does not come from being weary of pain. Meaninglessness comes from being weary of pleasure... And that's why we are bankrupt of meaning in a land of so much."
-- Ravi Zacharias


Thursday, January 22, 2009

Juan Williams on Obama

"If his presidency is to represent the full power of the idea that black Americans are just like everyone else -- fully human and fully capable of intellect, courage and patriotism -- then Barack Obama has to be subject to the same rough and tumble of political criticism experienced by his predecessors. To treat the first black president as if he is a fragile flower is certain to hobble him.

Yet there is fear, especially among black people, that criticism of him or any of his failures might be twisted into evidence that people of color cannot effectively lead. That amounts to wasting time and energy reacting to hateful stereotypes. It also leads to treating all criticism of Mr. Obama, whether legitimate, wrong-headed or even mean-spirited, as racist.

This is patronizing. Worse, it carries an implicit presumption of inferiority. Every American president must be held to the highest standard. No president of any color should be given a free pass for screw-ups, lies or failure to keep a promise."

Sure, Juan. But the Mainstream Media have sold Obama to the American public as "The First African American President"... That's the story... For the Left and the Mainstream Media, that's what this election has been all about.

When Obama fails, and when the criticism comes, it will deepen the chasm between white and black in this country. It will increase racial tensions. It will hurt the Black Community, because with the Left's help and influence they're still hung up on color. Their very self-esteem is invested and tied to this inexperienced, naive man.

I always thought the first African American or female president would be a conservative Republican. Too bad.

Quote for the Day

"I disagree fervently with the people on our side of the aisle who have caved and who say, "Well, I hope he succeeds. We've got to give him a chance." Why? They didn't give Bush a chance in 2000. Before he was inaugurated the search-and-destroy mission had begun. I'm not talking about search-and-destroy, but I've been listening to Barack Obama for a year-and-a-half. I know what his politics are. I know what his plans are, as he has stated them. I don't want them to succeed."
-- Rush Limbaugh


Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Quote for the Day

"It is irresposible for any politician to openly discuss the outlawing or the sanctioning of torture. We live in a very dangerous world, and if a suitcase Nuke is being carried into Disneyworld... Any means to prevent the carnage must be on the table. A politician is unfit to lead if he doesn't understand the difference between what is spoken from a podium, and what must be done in a crisis."
-- Malott


Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Rev Joseph Lowry Sums it Up

" us work for that day when black will not be asked to give back, when brown can stick around, when yellow will be mellow, when the red man can get ahead, man, and when white will embrace what is right..."

Lovely prayer. Obviously we Whites have not been doing right.

So us typical white people, the only race criticized in the benediction, still have a ways to go...

Just keep us informed of our sins and our responsibilities, will you Barack?


And I thought the race card was dead.

Elizabeth Alexander's Inaugural Poem

Praise song for the day.

Each day we go about our business, walking past each other, catching each others' eyes or not, about to speak or speaking. All my words speak in vulgar poems. My poems are dirty, naughty, so naughty, and yet I am summoned. What were they thinking? All about us is noise and bramble, thorn and din, and I make up poems that mean nothing, as if they were ebbing, then flowing from my buttocks.

Someone is trying to make music somewhere with a pair of wooden spoons, but surely you all have stopped listening by now. Boom box, harmonica, voice, it doesn't really matter what I say.

A woman and her son wait for the bus. The bus is dirty. Dirty, so very dirty.

I just started my period. No really, just now, as I was reading my poem.

A farmer considers the dirty sky; A teacher says, "Take out your pencils. Begin."

We cross dirty roads and dirty highways that mark the will of someone dirty, and then others who said, "I need to see what's dirty on the other side; I know there's something dirty down the road."

We need to find a dirty place where we are safe; I need to find someone with Midol.

Say it plain, that many have died for this day. Sing the names of the dead who brought us here, who laid on the train tracks, jumped from the bridges, picked the nose and the lettuce, built brick by brick the glittering bricks, they would then keep laying bricks and work inside of bricks. I can't believe I make money writing this.


Praise song for the bricks; praise song for the day. Praise song for every hand-lettered sign. But now my intense cramping has begun.

What if the mightiest word is love, love beyond marital, filial, national flowing. My flowing is really going, but now I have rhymed, and have threatened my artistic credibility.

Love with no need to preempt grievance.

I have no idea what that means.

In today's sharp sparkle, this winter air, I need to find a restroom -- praise song for the light in that restroom.


Monday, January 19, 2009

Bush Frees Border Guards

It's about time!

WASHINGTON (AP) - In his final acts of clemency, President George W. Bush on Monday commuted the prison sentences of two former U.S. Border Patrol agents whose convictions for shooting a Mexican drug dealer ignited fierce debate about illegal immigration.

They were convicted of shooting admitted drug smuggler Osvaldo Aldrete Davila in the buttocks as he fled across the Rio Grande.

Ignacio Ramos (shown above with his wife, Monica) and Jose Compean - American Heroes - shot a scum-sucking Mexican drug dealer (Good work guys!), and the Mexican arse-kissing Bush Administration took away two years of their lives... For doing their jobs.

I heard this while driving home in my truck, and I yelled at the top of my lungs.

Glad you finally got it right, George, and reversed this terrible injustice. It certainly took you long enough. And by the way, it still stinks that you only commuted their sentences. You should have pardoned them!


Friday, January 16, 2009

Why I Love "24"

If I ever find a complete clip of the "24" senate interview I will post it. It reminded me of when Oliver North showed up at the Contra hearing in his Marine uniform and dismantled his accusers.

In the television series "24", Jack Bauer uses whatever means are necessary to get the information from murderers and terrorists that he needs to save lives.

It is irresposible for any politician to openly discuss the outlawing or the sanctioning of torture. We live in a very dangerous world, and if a suitcase Nuke is being carried into Disneyworld... Any means to prevent the carnage must be on the table. A politician is unfit to lead if he doesn't understand the difference between what is spoken from a podium, and what must be done in a crisis.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

For the Pre-Destination Crowd...

"Election is absolutely and Biblicly true, but it is only part of the story... Romans 8:29 says that 'whom he did foreknow, those he also did predestine' and I believe that God in eternity past choosing whom he would set his love upon - also looked into the choices that you would make and how faithful you would be in your witness - and God didn't just ordain the ends, he ordained the means. So our and obedience and our faithfulness in getting the Word out is a big part of completing the task that God has given to us. Don't let anyone minimize your role and responsibility. It is large. Lost people need our attention."
-- James McDonald


Thursday, January 08, 2009

Matt Lauer vs Ann Coulter on Today Show

Ann Coulter may be the Al Franken or the Keith Olberman of conservatives, but I believe she serves a great purpose in the sense that she unapologetically and candidly speaks the unvarnished and straightforward truth about media bias and the failures of liberalism and its effect on our culture.

Colon Cleansing and America's Decline

Dual-Action Cleanse is the ultimate colon cleanse formula available on the market today. The idea behind a colon cleanse process is to eliminate the toxins which have built up in your digestive system. The detoxification processes of a colon cleanser treatment are so important to maintaining a healthy balance in your body that many doctors consider it to be a key to personal wellness.

Surely colon cleansing heralds the final stages of a civilization.

The television advertisement states that over two million Americans have used this stuff!

Who are these people? The Maximizer Kit costs $129.80... And just what are we maximizing? Could I maximize so much that I would be unable to pass that item which I had maximized?

Princess Diana is just one of many who swear by colonic irrigation as a cure for virtually all their ills. And many others are just beginning to discover the benefits of the bowel-cleansing technique that flushes toxins from the entire system.

But this is understandable because she lived with Charles... An ordeal which no doubt would germinate many eccentricities and peculiaritites.

A doctor friend once told me that when old ladies come in for checkups, they often want to talk about and describe their bowel movements... As if this marvel of creation had become their daily preoccupation.

But knowing how words often fail, you just know that somewhere in America an octogenarian has taken photographs of her offerings, or even hired a courtroom artist to illustrate such.

But I uncharacteristically digress.
I confess that I am somtimes self-centered and at times even self-absorbed. I am often vulnerable to frailties and preoccupations of many kinds. I can sometimes be influenced by pitch-men, and become fixated upon their wares.
But for now, my poop-chute will remain untended... It's on its own...
For now.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Jonathan Edwards' Resolutions for the Day

#10. Resolved, when I feel pain, to think of the pains of martyrdom, and of hell.

#8. Resolved, to act, in all respects, both speaking and doing, as if nobody had been so vile as I, and as if I had committed the same sins, or had the same infirmities or failings as others; and that I will let the knowledge of their failings promote nothing but shame in myself, and prove only an occasion of my confessing my own sins and misery to God.

#7. Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if it were the last hour of my life.

#5. Resolved, never to lose one moment of time; but improve it the most profitable way I possibly can.


Friday, January 02, 2009

Our Feckless and Impotent National Public Radio

NPR and your tax dollars are giving equal time to the terrorists of Hamas:

All Things Considered, December 29, 2008. The rockets being fired from Gaza into Israel is the work of Israeli collaborators, says Ahmed Yusuf, political adviser to Hamas leader Ismail Haniyeh. He says Hamas was willing to agree to a new cease-fire with Israel, but Israel hadn't lived up to its end of the bargain.

I listened to the four minute interview and heard Yusef claim that Israel was firing rockets at itself. The testicularly-challenged little man from NPR let it pass as if it was newsworthy.

Yes, so after 4000 rockets have been fired at Israel from Gaza in the past seven years, and after Hamas has taken credit and celebrated any time they hit something, and after threats from Hamas to fire more rockets... It turns out Israel was firing the rockets at itself all along.

And the twit from NPR lets it pass.


Thursday, January 01, 2009

Malott's War Primer... for the Israelis

In today's lesson we'll learn the best way to end a war!

There are two ways to end a war. The first way is to win the war. Winning the war is very very good! The second way to end a war is to lose the war. Losing the war is very very bad!

In World War II, nice men from America and England fought against bad men from Germany and Japan.

In Europe, the nice men were determined to win the war, so they bombed the living crap out of German cities like Dresden and Hamburg. They killed the bad soldiers and their wives and children and their grandmas and grandpas and their aunts and uncles and their nephews and nieces... And their cousins, too! They killed so many people that the bad German soldiers didn't feel like fighting any more.

In Japan, the nice men dropped nuclear bombs from airplanes and vaporized the bad Japanese soldiers and their wives and children and their grandmas and grandpas and their aunts and uncles and their nephews and nieces... And their cousins, too! They incinerated so many people that the bad Japanese soldiers didn't feel like fighting anymore.

And why did the nice men from America and England do these things? They did it because they loved their wives and children and their grandmas and grandpas and their aunts and uncles and their nephews and nieces... And their cousins so much, that they were willing to do whatever it took to win the war.

In the last seven years the bad men that live in Gaza have launched 8,000 rockets and mortar shells into Israel, trying to blow you to smithereens. The bad men in Iran are making nuclear weapons to incinerate your relatives into little piles of ash. Not very friendly, are they! Besides them, the Syrians want to kill you... The Egyptians want to kill you... And the Saudis, too. It must really suck to be a Jew!

Maybe it's time to quit screwing around and win the war! Maybe you should bomb the living crap out of the bad men in Gaza, and nuke the bad men in Iran. And just keep doing it for as long as it takes... Till those bad men don't feel like fighting anymore!