To Crazed Gunmen Everywhere...
A "Tip" from Uncle Malott

As you've probably heard, another loser much like yourself has gone on a rampage in Alabama, mercilessly killing nine human beings along with himself.

This pathetic piece of trash is now, without a doubt, burning in hell... For eternity. (And he thought his life here sucked!)

But when you finally spill your noodles and decide to do something stupid and senseless, an eternity in agony might easily be avoided if you simply off yourself before you go after anyone else!

Think of it! People in town would talk about... how you just couldn't take it anymore. Those who wronged you would feel guilty. Strangers you never even knew would consider the pain you must have suffered. How tragic. How pitiable! People would feel sorry for you. They would think you were a victim...
And not a detestable prick like the guy in Alabama!

Best of all, God might extend mercy and not give you over to eternal torment. :)

So do yourself a big favor. Shoot yourself first!

Good luck!

....