Sheryl Crow's Toilet Issues
Every Earth Day we get a glimpse of the clear thinking, level-headed environmentalists and the ways they want to tell us how to live.
My favorite this year is Sheryl Crow, who said:
I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming... I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting... I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.
Thanks Sheryl. I don't know what your plumbing is like, but when most of us experience those "pesky occasions," 2 or 3 squares simply won't "cut the mustard" - as we say in Greentown.
(I hope she washes her hands.)
Every Earth Day we get a glimpse of the clear thinking, level-headed environmentalists and the ways they want to tell us how to live.
My favorite this year is Sheryl Crow, who said:
I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming... I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting... I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.
Thanks Sheryl. I don't know what your plumbing is like, but when most of us experience those "pesky occasions," 2 or 3 squares simply won't "cut the mustard" - as we say in Greentown.
(I hope she washes her hands.)
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If saving 3 to 4 wads of T.P. per day (6 to 8 after Mexican Night) will save the planet - I'm all for it! But why stop there, Sheryl? Can't you just carry a rag in your purse and wash yourself at the sink?
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Or perhaps Ms. Crow could make a leap back in time when the planet was more pristine and everything was "natural."
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*Newsprint, paper catalogue pages in early US
*Hayballs, Scraper/gompf stick kept in container by the privy in the Middle Ages
*Discarded sheep's wool in the Viking Age, England
*Frayed end of an old anchor cable was used by sailing crews from Spain and Portugal *Medieval Europe- Straw, hay, grass, gompf stick
*Corn cobs, Sears Roebuck catalog, mussel shell, newspaper, leaves, sand- United States
*Water and your left hand, India
*Pages from a book, British Lords
*Coconut shells in early Hawaii
*Lace was used by French Royalty
*Public Restrooms in Ancient Rome- A sponge soaked in salt water, on the end of a stick
*The Wealthy in Ancient Rome-Wool and Rosewater
*French Royalty-lace, hemp
*Hemp & wool were used by the elite citizens of the world
*Defecating in the river was very common internationally
*Bidet, France
*Snow and Tundra Moss were used by early Eskimos
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Wasn't this a fun post?
6 comments:
I was disturbed by that 'solution' to global warming too.
One square? Not gonna happen, Sheryl.
Can't you just carry a rag in your purse and wash yourself at the sink?
Good thing I wasn't drinking anything when I read that one. Hilarious.
Well Mr. Malott, thank you for the "laugh-out-loud post of the day".
My favorite line...."If saving 3-4 wads of T.P. per day (6 to 8 after Mexican Night)will save the planet...I'm all for it!"
You are in top form this fine day. Sheryl Crow, on the other hand, is an idiot.
THIS is hilarious - and I desperately needed a laugh right now. Thank you so much!!
I don't think I'll ever think of her in quite the same light again...hope I don't have to see her hair color commercial too often.
Maybe Sheryl is just more...dainty than the rest of us. She is, after all, a superstar, and they're a breed apart.
I love Sheryl Crow, and I want to hear this idea put to song. ;-)
Couldn't she have come up with a less-wacky idea to promote? There are all these great, easy ways to do good by the environment, but choosing this one out of the bunch just--ahem--flushes the rest of them down the toilet.
Maybe we should all just have a colonic every few hours, huh, Sheryl?
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