Amazing Knowledge for NovemberI may be a two-bit, mediocre medical technologist, but my job affords me insight into amazing medical knowledge. Oh, people talk about Mayo's and Johns Hopkins, but those of us in the business know that the real innovations and advancements are taking place at small, rural, Indiana hospitals. Most the time when I'm in the lab, I just sit there with my eyes glazed over, mentally processing some new amazing thought. Other times I'm alert and actually paying attention to what I'm doing.
But before you become disproportionately impressed with me, let me get to this month's amazing medical knowledge:
Why We Wear GlovesWhen I wear latex gloves I can't draw blood worth crap. I was trained pre-AIDS, and back then we donned gloves only when we were handling fecal specimens or when there was a possibility of getting something really
icky on our fingers.
Fortunately, the only time I'm called upon to draw blood these days is when at least two other techs have already failed to acquire a blood specimen. These patients are referred to as "difficult sticks" and the hospital staff cares enough about its patients to
look the other way when I perform my magic... ungloved.
By the time I enter the patient's hospital room, the patient is usually scared, upset, or thoroughly PO'd. I stroll in, sporting my best down-home demeanor, speaking slowly and relaxed like an airline pilot... And as I make a show of washing my hands, I use phrases like "You poor thing" and "We appreciate your patience." Then I generally say, "Let's just take our time and see what we can find." My aim is to make the patient confident both in my abilities, and the fact that I care about him.
But back to why we wear gloves...
When AIDS was brand-spanking new, the medical community erred on the side of caution in most instances, because it was not yet known how virulent the disease was, or how likely it could be spread in clinical situations.
Someone...
I suspect someone sitting behind a desk, decided that lab personnel would be safer if they wore gloves when they performed venipunctures. The fallacy in that decision is obvious when you consider that 1) gloves make the tech less dexterous, more clumsy, and 2) latex gloves will not stop a needle. Therefore, in an effort to make us safer, the
powers that be have surely increased our risk of infection with blood-borne pathogens, because gloves make it more likely that we will stick ourselves with a dirty needle... Especially those of us who did not begin our careers using gloves.
But what really tickles us is this: Most of our patients think that we are wearing gloves for
their protection. In fact, patients have actually written letters to our hospital complaining that the tech drawing their blood did not wear gloves.
A couple of the techs that have been "turned in" have complained that, though I hardly ever wear gloves, I've never been turned in. I tell them, "The reason is simple, really... I'm Malott... And you're not."
....
Mike Huckabee and His Willie Horton 
