We at Malott's Blog have grown tired of Senator Richard Lugar's wussie attitude towards illegal immigration. Senator Lugar (Old Lugie, as we say in Greentown) went so far as to vote for an amendment that requires our government to consult with the Mexican government before building a wall along our southern border. In other words, Dick doesn't care that 80% of Americans want a wall, but he does care what Mexico thinks about it. That's nice, Dick.
He voted for a Ted Kennedy amendment that would have raised the minimum wage from $5.15 to $7.25, and voted with "his brother RINOs" against the Santorum amendment that would have provided assistance for pro-democracy programs and activities inside and outside Iran, to make clear that the United States supported the ability of the people of Iran to exercise self-determination.
He has sometimes voted for pro-family legislation, but he is never out front leading the way.
This fall the Indiana U.S. Senate race will have only Lugar and a Libertarian on the ballot, since no Democrat filed for the May, 2006 primary. Malott's Blog was considering backing the Libertarian... until we learned that he had all the appeal of a beached carp.
Therefore, the entire staff at Malott's Blog has convinced Mr Malott (shown above) to run for the United States Senate as a "write-in" candidate.
Malott, who is known for his "Bachelor Tips", "Gardening Tips", posting almost anything on his blog page, and vulgar self-promotion in general, promises to show up for work every day at 7 A.M. and vote as a strict conservative. He promises not to be influenced by the people at those Washington D.C. parties... because he doesn't like parties, preferring to be in bed by 9 P.M.
Malott promises to spit on the floor whenever he passes Ted Kennedy. Malott promises to spit on the floor whenever he passes Charles Schumer. Malott promises to spit on John Kerry.
Does Malott have Presidential ambitions? Well, for now he's staying tight-lipped (shown above) about that.
The entire staff at Malott's Blog encourages the Indiana electorate to send a real Hoosier to Washington by writing in "Malott" (use black ink or a No.2 pencil) this November. You might want to go early and use a laundry marker to write our voting instructions on the wall of the voting booth. We're pretty sure that's legal.
As Mr Malott's official campaign site, Malott's Blog will keep you up-to-date as our candidate charges into the fray!
Shown below is our first campaign picture and slogan. We at Malott's Blog like it because it rhymes.
Malott? Why Not!
13 comments:
Your promise to spit has me sold. Alas, I am not an Indiana resident.
Hopefully you will get more than 1 vote. (Maybe mom or dad will write you in)
AICS,
Thanks. I do think my willingness to spit on my fellow Senators gives me a dimension of which few candidates can boast.
I was getting ready to sharpen my Number 2 pencil and to practice spelling Malott when I reached the first campaign picture. Anyone who wears a shirt that would look better on Barney the purple dinosaur is not Senate material. Sorry to be so blunt, but on some things there must be no compromises.
Andrew,
I love you,
You love me...
Next year when I am a powerful Federal Legislator you may be sorry you didn't hitch your pathetic life to my bandwagon.
Andrew,
True, some people can compromise such trivial things as national security with their votes, but fashion must not suffer.
AICS,
Poor Andrew is an unemployed loom technician from Terra Haute who lives off the kindness of his well-to-do and successful brother. For such as these envy is a way of life.
Obviously I can't cast a ballot, but I can stuff envelopes and make calls. Where do I sign up?
You know, I think that Andrew was far too harsh, as usual. He's simply jealous.
I, on the other hand, happen to like the "royal" purple shirt. It's very fitting for such Greentown royalty. I would vote for you, but I will probably have to submit to my husband's most unreasonable demands and vote for an actual candidate. Such is my life.
Still, I'm giving serious thought to "Malott, Why Not" and his 2006 Senatorial bid. If you add shaking the dirt off your shoes in the face of Ted Kennedy (along with the spitting, of course) then you'll have my vote and the husband will just have to get over it.
Great campaign photo. It shows your lofty ideals and your connection to the common man (though I'm not sure how common purple is). No stuffy suit and tie for you. No sir.
Is that a border fence next to you? It could help you get votes...
Janice,
If I'm elected I hope you will consent to be my Advisor for Muslim Affairs.
Christina,
It's true that my bearing has a certain regal quality, but as a servant of the people I plan to remain humble and full of grace.
But don't test me.
Skyepuppy,
You once again display your keen mind by noticing the fence. I figure your neurons are exploding in every direction at all times at an alarming rate... which probably makes it hard for you to sleep? You are probably great fun to have as a friend, although I suspect that you talk incessantly and are given to fits of righteous indignation which leave you exhausted, yet strangely refreshed and contented. You probably pace when you're thinking and talk to yourself when no one else is around...
No wait, that's me.
Anyway, thanks for your comments. You are a smart cookie.
Wow, it looks like I've been ganged up on here. However, before tucking my tail between my legs and admitting defeat with regard to Mr. Malott's purple shirt, I thought I should add one additional thought.
You see, being an unemployed loom technician, I have plenty of time on my hands (but just wait until the great loom revival in this country - my skills will be in great demand and those will be heady days indeed). Anyway, while casting about for ways to fill my time, I decided to reflect more thoroughly on the idea of Senator Malott.
While I agree with AICS that the compromising of national security is of less importance than the compromising of fashion, I nevertheless recognize the importance of electing legislators who take national security almost as seriously as their qualifications for the cover of GQ.
Therefore, I must point out that I distinctly recall Mr. Malott pridefully boasting of his French heritage a few months back. Given that the Senate is already teeming with Senators who could easily pass as French when it comes to their national security backbone, I fear that adding someone with actual French lineage could only make the situation much worse.
It leaves me wondering if Mr. Malott's second campaign photo will feature him sporting a white shirt (or at least a white flag).
Andrew,
Au contraire. I fear your reasoning abilities have been out-sourced along with your job. (Although I do believe you have the cleverness necessary to find gainful employment in the booming sanitaion industry)
Am I of French descent? Mais oui. However, though I frolic after midnight with crepes in heavy cream sauces, my politics... and choices in televised sporting events... are American through and through.
However I have re-thought the purple shirt. Wearing that particular color while driving my truck with the pinkish hue... is probably a bad look, indeed.
Chris, I accept the position and will serve proudly. I sure hope all my islamic reference materials don't get molested in transit. CAIR will call on the FBI to investigate me.
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