Malott Has 101.8 degree Fever

And still he works!

Yes I'm writing from my place of employment, almost delusional with fever, but busy saving lives... just the same. (What a guy!)

The problem with working in a small lab is that you're expected to show up for work... And it is always a huge inconvenience to your peers when you call in sick. So here I am... High fever... Painful cough... Chills... Body Ache... And I'd mention this paper cut, but that might sound like whining.

So think of me, my friends... As you sit there comfortably at your computers... Enjoying perfect health.

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Quote of the Week

"The Left is correct, you know... If the People would just shut up, stay home, and let the Federal Government do whatever it wants, there would be no trouble."
-- Malott

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Headless Men Found in Topless Bar

ACAPULCO, Mexico (AP) - Police found the bodies of 15 slain men, 14 of them headless, on a street outside a shopping center in the Pacific coast resort of Acapulco on Saturday.

I've just crossed one country off my list of future vacation destinations. Why would anyone go to Mexico?

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And Talk Radio, Too

The killing of U.S. District Judge John M. Roll comes two years after he received death threats while he presided over a $32 million civil-rights lawsuit filed by illegal immigrants against an Arizona rancher.

When Roll ruled the case could go forward, U.S. Marshal David Gonzales said in 2009 that talk-radio shows cranked up the controversy and spurred audiences into making threats.

The Tea Party and Talk Radio... The Left is correct, you know... If the People would just shut up, stay home, and let the Federal Government do whatever it wants, there would be no trouble.

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Shooting in Arizona

Evidently a George Bush nominated Federal Judge, John Roll was killed.

On Fox News, Arizona Democrat State Senator Linda Lopez quickly spoke of lies by the Tea Party Movement targeted at her friend, wounded Democrat Congresswoman Gabby Giffords.

The shooter has been characterized as a disturbed individual concerned that the American dollar is no longer backed by gold.

I see it this way: We live in a politically contentious country... And when one side screams concerns about threatened loss of liberties and overwhelming debt, and another side screams racism against honest Americans who disagree with the President... Nuts may abound... And they may do damage.

It will be interesting to watch how the actions of one sick human animal will be used by political pundits to indict political parties and movements...

I anticipate the worst.

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Snowy Conditions Proving Hazardous For Nation's Idiots

Big Ten Football to Play Division II

A few years ago the nation's sportswriters, geniuses all, decided that Ohio State and Michigan were the two best darn college football teams in the country. And when OSU and Michigan played a close game in their annual Big Ten match up, the sportswriters wrung their hands and hoped the two might meet again in a bowl game for all the marbles. After all, they were still the two best darn college football teams in the country... Because... the sportswriters, geniuses all, said so.

But the rematch wasn't meant to be, and Ohio State and Michigan went to separate bowl games where they both... lost.

This bowl season the Big Ten showed up in force on New Year's Day, losing 5 out of 5 games by a point total of 204 to 102... Including Big Ten Champion Wisconsin losing to Texas Christian... ... ... Yes, Texas Christian. No, really!

While, last night, Ohio State squeaked out a victory over an SEC "also ran," you still have to wonder why bowl season started with 3 Big Ten teams ranked in the Top Ten.

There exists a perennial assumption among sportswriters, geniuses all, that the Big Ten is a top tier football conference... But until those expectations are justified by bowl victories, the Big Ten has no place in The Top Ten.

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My Favorite Dead Actresses

12. Dorothy McGuire... Friendly Persuasion, Old Yeller, The Enchanted Cottage, Gentleman's Agreement

11. Audrey Hepburn... Roman Holiday, My Fair Lady

10. Maureen O'Sullivan... Hey! The real Jane needs to be on the list.

9. Jean Peters... Her looks made Niagara worth watching, not Monroe's.

8. Katharine Hepburn... Maybe the best actress of all... My #8

7. Claudette Colbert... My favorite Cleopatra... Terrific in It Happened One Night.

6. Olivia de Havilland/Joan Fontaine... My favorite movie sisters: The Snake Pit/Rebecca... Gone with the Wind/Jane Eyre... The Adventures of Robin Hood/Suspicion...

Note: Technically speaking, Olivia and Joan aren't actually dead... But I really like them and wanted them on my list... So I'm pretending.

5. Bette Davis... So versatile... All About Eve, and the ugly duckling in Now, Voyager... And then she came back to scare us in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane.

4. Myrna Loy... The best years of our Lives, The Thin Man series. A beauty.

3. Miss Barbara Stanwyck... Meet John Doe, Ball of Fire, Double Indemnity... Never thought she was pretty, but loved her performances.

2. Grace Kelly... My favorite Hitchcock Girl. Her performance in Rear Window would be enough to get her on my list.

1. Jean Arthur... Mr Smith Goes to Washington, Mr Deeds Goes to Town, You Can't Take it With You... for crying out loud, she played the beautiful farmer's wife in Shane at the age of 52. Loved the voice! My numero uno favorite.



Not dead enough to make the list: Doris Day

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My Favorite Dead Actors

Leading Men

12. Claude Rains... Casablanca, Phantom of the Opera, Notorious

11. Errol Flynn... Robin Hood, Essex and Elizabeth, The Prince and the Pauper

10. Clifton Webb... Sitting Pretty, Laura

9. Clark Gable... Teacher's Pet, Gone with the Wind

8. John Wayne... The Quiet Man, Angel and the Bad Man

7. Gary Cooper... Friendly Persuasion, Sergeant York, Love in the Afternoon, The Westerner

6. Gregory Peck... To Kill a Mockingbird, The Big Country, Gentleman's Agreement

5. Cary Grant... Arsenic and Old Lace, The Philadelphia Story, Bringing Up Baby

4. Lionel Barrymore... It's a Wonderful Life, You Can't Take it with You, Key Largo

3. Paul Newman... The Verdict, The Long Hot Summer, The Sting, Butch Cassidy...

2 Jimmy Stewart... It's a Wonderful Life, Anatomy of a Murder, Rear Window

1. Humphrey Bogart... Casablanca, The Caine Mutiny, To Have and Have Not, The Big Sleep

Honorable Mention: Spencer Tracy, William Holden, Alec Guiness, William Powell, Laurence Olivier, Frederick March, Charlton Heston, Lezlie Howard, Joseph Cotton, Anthony Quinn, Curly Howard

Left out on purpose: Henry Fonda... Nice movies, but he sired Jane.

Best Supporting/Character Actors

10. Tony Randall... Pillow Talk

9. Trevor Howard... Mutiny on the Bounty

8. Jack Palance... Shane, City Slickers

7. Walter Pidgeon... How Green Was My Valley, Advise and Consent

6. Robert Shaw... Jaws, The Battle of the Bulge

5. Sydney Greenstreet... The Maltese Falcon, Casablanca

4. Harry Carey... The Shepard of the Hills, Angel and the Bad Man

3. Victor McLaglen... The Quiet Man, She Wore a Yellow Ribbon

2 C. Aubrey Smith... Little Lord Fauntleroy, Rebecca, Wee Willie Winkie

1. Ward Bond... The Quiet Man, Fort Appache, She Wore a Yellow Ribbon

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The Weekly Chan

Quote for the Day

"If I could work my will, every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' upon his lips should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart!"
--Malott... working a 12-hour shift December 25th, 2010

Oh.... OK.... Merry Christmas

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Lisa Murkowski Goes Rogue

Alaskan Senator Lisa Murkowski, shown here without make-up, is being called "The New Maverick" by Politico.

Murkowski is already showing a fierce independent streak, becoming the only Republican to cast votes on all four items on President Barack Obama’s wish list: a repeal of “don’t ask, don’t tell,” a tax-cut compromise, the START deal and cloture for the DREAM Act.

As we have learned, Maverick is a term used by the Left to describe Rinos (Republicans in name only), who vote with Democrats, stab voters in the back, and will one day burn in Hell.
Murkowski recently was re-elected to the Senate as a write-in candidate due to the fact that Alaskans are fiercely independent and stupid.

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Coldest December Since Record-Keeping Began

Swathes of Britain skidded to a halt today as the big freeze returned - grounding flights, closing rail links and leaving traffic at a standstill.

The Arctic conditions are set to last through the Christmas and New Year bank holidays and beyond and as temperatures plummeted to -10c (14f) the Met Office said this December was ‘almost certain’ to become the coldest since records began in 1910.

Has anyone seen Al Gore lately? Is he somewhere getting a massage? He's made his billion... Is he leaving the noble and unselfish world of public service now?

Except for gullible college students and the Left, people are no longer buying the global warming lie... So I'm left wondering what environmentalists have planned for us next... You know they're planning...

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The Bri-gay-de

So the "Don't Ass, Don't Tell" policy has given way to the possibility that gays may soon openly serve in the U.S. Military.

Throughout our nation's history gays have enlisted in the Military - it's where the boys are - and many have served heroically and with distinction. I guess for detractors it's a question of whether open gayness will have a deleterious effect upon morale.

I was thinking that maybe gay military guys could sign up for their own specialized gay units... Wouldn't they prefer that anyway? Why not let them design their own uniforms and accessorize as they see fit? Who knows, maybe gay units might specialize in attacking from the rear. And you know their food would be great... And they would have the cleanest barracks in the history of warfare.

I'm just afraid the fruits of this new policy may be cultural engineering and the politicizing of the military... Which is not what the military is for. It will be interesting to see if any gay recruits use the policy to test the limits of military discipline, and then lawyer-up when things don't go well. Will there be charges that gays are not promoted fairly?

I hope all that doesn't happen. I'm very pro-soldier, and I'm sure the vast majority of "guy soldiers who prefer guys" want to serve their country with honor, and would never want their personal lives to compromise the effectiveness and morale of their units. Don't Ass, Don't Tell seemed like an effective way to facilitate that. I fear that overturning it only facilitates axe grinding.

It's ask?

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Santa Claus Found Dead

North Pole (AP) --According to sources close to the Claus family, Santa Nicholas Claus was found dead Thursday morning of what appeared to be a massive heart attack. An autopsy is scheduled for Friday afternoon in Fairbanks, Alaska.

While the death was unexpected, rumors of binge drinking and heavy pipe smoking had filtered out of the closely knit North Pole community for the better part of 2010. "We all could see his weight was up significantly and that he was growing despondent," said publicist Digger, the elf. "He hasn't been the same since the reindeer died of lungworm disease in the fall of 2009. And then last spring when Mrs. Claus ran off with Patch, the lead elf, Santa sort of kept to himself. It's just been a very sad year for the entire crew."

Due to the proximity of the Christmas Holiday, the United States Federal Government has pledged to deliver Santa's gifts to girls and boys across America. Parents can expect the gifts to arrive via the U.S. Postal Service some time in late June.

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Remaking True Grit

Now, you know... I've never been one to be critical. And casting Jeff Bridges as John Wayne and Matt Damon as Glen Campbell... They could have done worse. And I realize that the remakes of films such as The Buccaneer and My Favorite Wife were worth the effort. And goodness knows, the western genre is lately missing in theaters...

But there are classics that you just don't mess with. And when a beloved actor's lifetime of work yields one academy award, you don't turn around and give the part to someone else to improve upon.

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The Weekly Chan

Happy Motoring