Cheese and Body Weight

When I have a lot of cheese in my diet I find I carry more weight, and I believe it works like this: As far as I know, I have never been constipated in my entire life. To the contrary, I am so regular that it sometimes frightens me. It's not uncommon for me to sit and reminisce with an entree I consumed less that twelve hours before.

That said, cheese slows things down, causing my body to retain more entrees at any given time; thus, the added weight.

And, I'm reasonably certain that cheese changes the character and dimensions of my tidings.

Once when I was in the 4th grade, having been excused from class to empty my bladder, Danny Mohr, a 5th grader, came out of one of the stalls just beaming. "You gotta see this!" he said. And it was truly amazing... Not the length - but the girth of this monster. I remember there was some talk about whether it should be flushed - or saved for recess when the other boys could appreciate it. I mean... We've all heard fish stories.

Now years later, the cynic in me wonders if this zeppelin hadn't been left by one of the teachers or a much bigger boy... Danny wasn't that big a boy and for this amazing piece-o-poo to greet the world without the aid of some sort of rectal episiotomy stretches... well, the imagination. But I've never been one that harvested pleasure from running down amazing things... So I stand by my friend.

But my query is this: Could cheese have been the knitting that bound Danny's masterpiece?

If you would like to experiment with this at home, I suggest Baby Swiss.

Thank you.