Saturday, January 29, 2011

Sensitive Chinese Blast Radio Personality

SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) - Rush Limbaugh's imitation of the Chinese language during a recent speech made by Chinese President Hu Jintao has stirred a backlash among Asian-American lawmakers in California and nationally.

California state Sen. Leland Yee, a Democrat from San Francisco, is leading a fight in demanding an apology from the radio talk show host for what he and others view as racist and derogatory remarks against the Chinese people.

What is happening to my world? Now even the Chinks are getting sensitive and militant! I mean, I expect it from Blacks, Arabs, and Hispanics... But why are the Chinese getting in on the act?

Nationally they've been allowed to wreck the curve in every math class... Did we complain? They get their own movies... The Flower Drum Song, Crouching Dragon, Hidden something-or-other... Even their own chick-flick, The Joy Luck Club, which I have personally seen 4 times because the women are hot! They dominate the dry-cleaning industry. They get their own New Year and parade... They get their own restaurants... gardens... eating utensils... alphabet...

And we can't make fun of their silly, incomprehensible language?

When white guys whine we're told to suck it up, get over it, and quit being a baby. Sucks being white!


Friday, January 28, 2011

My Birthday Present

Every year I buy myself a present, and this year I bought a ladder bookshelf. Since I don't have an overhead light in my computer room, I needed something tall on which to put my lamp, which is connected to the wall switch.

You might also notice the drawing that my second cousin, Libby, made for me when I was a little boy. It shows a bad black-haired boy hitting a nice blond-haired boy (me), and Jesus giving the bad boy a black mark. This taught me that when kids beat me up, they would get theirs from Jesus.

On the second shelf you can see my great-grandfather's pocket watch. There is also a picture of my girlfriend from college, who ripped my heart from my chest and stomped on it... For which she no doubt got a black mark from Jesus.
On the wall there is also a tasteful wooden clock made in the shape of Indiana.


Thursday, January 27, 2011

Winter of my Discontent
Richard The Third and I have so much in common... The way we talk... The humps on our backs... Our ladies-in-waiting...

I'm sure there is an Indiana record for days in which the ground is snow-covered and the temperature remains below freezing... And surely the record is in jeopardy.

I took this picture out my bedroom window back in December. The scene has not changed.

My kingdom for a warm day.


Sunday, January 23, 2011

Hu's on First?

Guess Hu's Coming to Dinner?

But underneath all of the diplomacy, there's an irony to this visit. President Obama, who won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2009, is welcoming a Chinese leader who jailed his country's Nobel Prize winner, Liu Xiaobo.

Hu am I to question Obama's decision to award a dictator with a State Dinner? Hu knows? Hu does a patriot ask? Hu does a freedom-loving American question when his leader honors evil?

Hu knows?


Saturday, January 15, 2011

Malott Writes from His Deathbed

Actually I'm not really in my deathbed right now... I'm sitting at my computer. But I reasoned that "Malott Writes from His Computer Chair" would get me nothing... no sympathy, no attention... nothing.

For those of you that are paralyzed with worry over my health, my fever was only 100.6 degrees this morning, which is a definite improvement.

So there it is.

Well I'm going back to my deathbed now, where I will be clinging to life. I expect to remain there indefinitely... or until I get hungry or have to pee or something.

Malott's Blog Asks!

Today's Subject... Sarah Palin

Malott's Blog Asks: Could the Lunatic Left possibly hate Sarah Palin any more than they do?

Our Answer: Yes. If Palin was black, they would definitely hate her more. When an African American becomes a conservative, in the minds of the Lunatic Left they become a kind of run-away slave, no longer the property of the Left... And the former property is subject to lynching. (Justice Clarence Thomas could tell us something about that.) So as both a female and a black, Palin would be a double turncoat and hated even more.

Malott's Blog Asks: Does the Lunatic Left hate anyone more than they hate Sarah Palin.

Our Answer: No one we can think of...
Radical Islam? No... The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
Murderers and rapists? No... They are a product of environment and the NRA.
Satan? No... The Lunatic Left loves its spiritual advisor.

Malott's Blog Asks: Can Sarah Palin reverse her polling negatives among independent voters and become a viable candidate... a winner?

Our Answer: Not likely... That would be a monumental task considering both her unfair treatment and her past mediocre performance. However...
1) If she can retire her whiny, annoying public speaking voice... Something she accomplished in her 8 minute Gabby Giffords shooting response video... I was impressed...
2) If she can appear knowledgeable, reasoned, and competent... (Like she did in that video.) and if she can find a way to exude a gravitas equal to or greater than the competition...
3) If in the nominating process, at the end of the day, Palin can prove herself to be formidable, and not just the sentimental favorite of conservatives...

Like I said... It's not likely... But Malott's Blog has been wrong once or twice before...


Thursday, January 13, 2011

Malott Has 101.8 degree Fever

And still he works!

Yes I'm writing from my place of employment, almost delusional with fever, but busy saving lives... just the same. (What a guy!)

The problem with working in a small lab is that you're expected to show up for work... And it is always a huge inconvenience to your peers when you call in sick. So here I am... High fever... Painful cough... Chills... Body Ache... And I'd mention this paper cut, but that might sound like whining.

So think of me, my friends... As you sit there comfortably at your computers... Enjoying perfect health.


Monday, January 10, 2011

Quote of the Week

"The Left is correct, you know... If the People would just shut up, stay home, and let the Federal Government do whatever it wants, there would be no trouble."
-- Malott


Sunday, January 09, 2011

Headless Men Found in Topless Bar

ACAPULCO, Mexico (AP) - Police found the bodies of 15 slain men, 14 of them headless, on a street outside a shopping center in the Pacific coast resort of Acapulco on Saturday.

I've just crossed one country off my list of future vacation destinations. Why would anyone go to Mexico?

And Talk Radio, Too

The killing of U.S. District Judge John M. Roll comes two years after he received death threats while he presided over a $32 million civil-rights lawsuit filed by illegal immigrants against an Arizona rancher.

When Roll ruled the case could go forward, U.S. Marshal David Gonzales said in 2009 that talk-radio shows cranked up the controversy and spurred audiences into making threats.

The Tea Party and Talk Radio... The Left is correct, you know... If the People would just shut up, stay home, and let the Federal Government do whatever it wants, there would be no trouble.


Saturday, January 08, 2011

Shooting in Arizona

Evidently a George Bush nominated Federal Judge, John Roll was killed.

On Fox News, Arizona Democrat State Senator Linda Lopez quickly spoke of lies by the Tea Party Movement targeted at her friend, wounded Democrat Congresswoman Gabby Giffords.

The shooter has been characterized as a disturbed individual concerned that the American dollar is no longer backed by gold.

I see it this way: We live in a politically contentious country... And when one side screams concerns about threatened loss of liberties and overwhelming debt, and another side screams racism against honest Americans who disagree with the President... Nuts may abound... And they may do damage.

It will be interesting to watch how the actions of one sick human animal will be used by political pundits to indict political parties and movements...

I anticipate the worst.


Wednesday, January 05, 2011

Big Ten Football to Play Division II

A few years ago the nation's sportswriters, geniuses all, decided that Ohio State and Michigan were the two best darn college football teams in the country. And when OSU and Michigan played a close game in their annual Big Ten match up, the sportswriters wrung their hands and hoped the two might meet again in a bowl game for all the marbles. After all, they were still the two best darn college football teams in the country... Because... the sportswriters, geniuses all, said so.

But the rematch wasn't meant to be, and Ohio State and Michigan went to separate bowl games where they both... lost.

This bowl season the Big Ten showed up in force on New Year's Day, losing 5 out of 5 games by a point total of 204 to 102... Including Big Ten Champion Wisconsin losing to Texas Christian... ... ... Yes, Texas Christian. No, really!

While, last night, Ohio State squeaked out a victory over an SEC "also ran," you still have to wonder why bowl season started with 3 Big Ten teams ranked in the Top Ten.

There exists a perennial assumption among sportswriters, geniuses all, that the Big Ten is a top tier football conference... But until those expectations are justified by bowl victories, the Big Ten has no place in The Top Ten.


Monday, January 03, 2011

My Favorite Dead Actresses

12. Dorothy McGuire... Friendly Persuasion, Old Yeller, The Enchanted Cottage, Gentleman's Agreement

11. Audrey Hepburn... Roman Holiday, My Fair Lady

10. Maureen O'Sullivan... Hey! The real Jane needs to be on the list.

9. Jean Peters... Her looks made Niagara worth watching, not Monroe's.

8. Katharine Hepburn... Maybe the best actress of all... My #8

7. Claudette Colbert... My favorite Cleopatra... Terrific in It Happened One Night.

6. Olivia de Havilland/Joan Fontaine... My favorite movie sisters: The Snake Pit/Rebecca... Gone with the Wind/Jane Eyre... The Adventures of Robin Hood/Suspicion...

Note: Technically speaking, Olivia and Joan aren't actually dead... But I really like them and wanted them on my list... So I'm pretending.

5. Bette Davis... So versatile... All About Eve, and the ugly duckling in Now, Voyager... And then she came back to scare us in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane.

4. Myrna Loy... The best years of our Lives, The Thin Man series. A beauty.

3. Miss Barbara Stanwyck... Meet John Doe, Ball of Fire, Double Indemnity... Never thought she was pretty, but loved her performances.

2. Grace Kelly... My favorite Hitchcock Girl. Her performance in Rear Window would be enough to get her on my list.

1. Jean Arthur... Mr Smith Goes to Washington, Mr Deeds Goes to Town, You Can't Take it With You... for crying out loud, she played the beautiful farmer's wife in Shane at the age of 52. Loved the voice! My numero uno favorite.

Not dead enough to make the list: Doris Day


Saturday, January 01, 2011

My Favorite Dead Actors

Leading Men

12. Claude Rains... Casablanca, Phantom of the Opera, Notorious

11. Errol Flynn... Robin Hood, Essex and Elizabeth, The Prince and the Pauper

10. Clifton Webb... Sitting Pretty, Laura

9. Clark Gable... Teacher's Pet, Gone with the Wind

8. John Wayne... The Quiet Man, Angel and the Bad Man

7. Gary Cooper... Friendly Persuasion, Sergeant York, Love in the Afternoon, The Westerner

6. Gregory Peck... To Kill a Mockingbird, The Big Country, Gentleman's Agreement

5. Cary Grant... Arsenic and Old Lace, The Philadelphia Story, Bringing Up Baby

4. Lionel Barrymore... It's a Wonderful Life, You Can't Take it with You, Key Largo

3. Paul Newman... The Verdict, The Long Hot Summer, The Sting, Butch Cassidy...

2 Jimmy Stewart... It's a Wonderful Life, Anatomy of a Murder, Rear Window

1. Humphrey Bogart... Casablanca, The Caine Mutiny, To Have and Have Not, The Big Sleep

Honorable Mention: Spencer Tracy, William Holden, Alec Guiness, William Powell, Laurence Olivier, Frederick March, Charlton Heston, Lezlie Howard, Joseph Cotton, Anthony Quinn, Curly Howard

Left out on purpose: Henry Fonda... Nice movies, but he sired Jane.

Best Supporting/Character Actors

10. Tony Randall... Pillow Talk

9. Trevor Howard... Mutiny on the Bounty

8. Jack Palance... Shane, City Slickers

7. Walter Pidgeon... How Green Was My Valley, Advise and Consent

6. Robert Shaw... Jaws, The Battle of the Bulge

5. Sydney Greenstreet... The Maltese Falcon, Casablanca

4. Harry Carey... The Shepard of the Hills, Angel and the Bad Man

3. Victor McLaglen... The Quiet Man, She Wore a Yellow Ribbon

2 C. Aubrey Smith... Little Lord Fauntleroy, Rebecca, Wee Willie Winkie

1. Ward Bond... The Quiet Man, Fort Appache, She Wore a Yellow Ribbon